Live Well - Jay

all fucked up

2005-07-16T01:22:00.000-07:00

damn fucking screwed up life. this life ain't worth living anymore. boy, i know what's depression. don't gimme that crap about losing self worth an' all. its called reflection and self-evaluation, pal.

i know i freaking suck.

Family
-------
totally fucked up. parents don't trust me anymore. promised them results still dun believe. bloody hell. i'm not like going LAN or playing any damn com game. no!! i freaking study in school. what the bloody fucking hell lor!!! stay back late in school to do WORK can?! sis is ok. heck her la. as long as she doesnt mess up the com again.

Friends
--------
bloody crap lor. fucking selfish people. hey so what if i didn't get best cadet? why keep going "jay ah, din get best cadet arh... then still so enthu for what........" fuck off can. you're not even saying "its ok, this time din get next yr can still try...". that's alr rubbing salt into the wound, but this amount helps cause it disinfects. but no. those bastardy faggots had to rub it in bloody deep. seriously, i am moody. you dont have to make it worse.

and the fucking projects. grrr. i'll leave it till later.

School
------
so what if i fucked last term upside down. doesnt mean i wont make a damn comeback right. then all the stupid projects. seriously, why is everything my bloody fault?!
every damn project i'm the leader. aka scrapegoat. do they listen to me when discussing? no. who do they blame when they bloody hell dont do their work?? me. wtbh. i get damn screwed by the teachers every single day. and with 'friends' like that... well i simply love coming to school.

Prefects
--------
totally damn screwed. i missed the last detention duty cause i had to go maths remedial. and i fucking forgot to get a replacement. i am so dead. i live in fear every day, dreading the day i get sacked. i can forget prefect of the term award.

NPCC
----
bloody fucking hell. wei jin got best cadet. ok fine he put in a lot of effort bla bla. i can see that, boy. i admit defeat. i would very much like to be best cadet, but wells. wadever. but he fucking had to screw up the damn website. now alger sir's damn pissed. as if i'm not. fuck the hell up la.

Love Life
----------
what the hell la. what love, boy? what the fuck toking you? fine la. i love si yun can? happy? i really really really like her. not yan yee. yan's my sorta 1st crush. very nice gal, but we're not really meant to be together. not huiting. very depressed sia. if she carry on influencing me like that, i will surely not have lasted till freaking today. after all, she prob likes sbd frm zhonghua la. not fiona. great friend, but not my type. not samantha. also really great gal to be with. quite nice and funny la, but... dunno. maybe must get to know her better. damn 6ab rumours la. bloody hell. not jacqueline. very sweet gal. very nice. but. bloody 204 rumours. fuck la. why everytime also damn rumours spoil everything. still got who? heck la.

see? it's si yun that i really really like. so nice, sweet, funny, cute etc etc. ya la ya la, i am freaking blinded by love. like despo bassanio right. -.- but seriously, she's a very nice gal... she helped me through many of these emotional upsets. and now. she doesn't come online anymore. and what happens? i fucking hell screw my entire life. i can't live without her. damnit. i'm hooked.

Spiritual
---------
sighh. i'm really damn pissed with myself can. i'm neglecting my duties as a christian. really la. so freaking. must pray more. read bible more. oh wells.

ok summary: i fucking screwed up most of my life. i suck. i am a frog trying to taste si yun who is a swan if you get the idiom in chinese. ohh nvm. its freaking platonic love. how i really wish si yun would really like me too......

but anyway, i can forget my entire freaking life la. its damn screwed beyond measure. fuckfuckfuck. blarga.

as you can see, this is the most pissed time of my bloody life. this isn't the jay you know. it's the dark side within.

- Jay
AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

quiz?

2005-06-21T15:05:00.000-07:00

Your #1 Match: ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #2 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #3 Match: ESFJ

The Caregiver

You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.
A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.
You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.
You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.

You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

Your #4 Match: ESFP

The Performer

You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others.
A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic.
You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally.
You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic.

You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #5 Match: INFJ

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

What's Your Personality Type?

updates: part 1- day 2

2005-06-16T17:31:00.000-07:00

second day. wake up then do some 5bx stuff. left 8 counts right 8 counts bla bla. run round campsite 3 times. then go eat breakfast. damn sian.

after tht is kayaking. this atc experience really changed my life. cause the sji one really sucked and i din learn anything frm it. but here at npcc, the cis were very gd at teaching and all. and all my frens somemore. last time was 1 arm jack chen xi in the front. now i was in front with boey behind. after the sji experience, i totally hated kayaking. now i know how fun it can be. just need the right ppl around. ;)

anyway. yup was with boey. saw a lot of dead fish. bla bla. row here and there, everyone damn confused abt the instructions. then later chain up. hold the combing bla bla. we managed to get in line with some difficulty. kept running into si min and her partner before that, so since she was close, i decided to help her la. pulled her paddle and she got in formation next to ours. =) so ok. play some lame crap with the ci aft tht. sing 'my bonnie' and every b word got ppl who stand up and squat. some lamerfied stuff. dunno why la for some reason si min and i were very close together. cause i holding to her kayak very tightly (she wasnt holding tightly to mine and i scared we liddat break off wad). we were so close i was touching her arm and leg liao. (side by side at the front) then the ci see us like see couple then want to cheng quan us or sth. ask the gal behind her to switch with me. boey and her both complained. lol. she behind i in front lehhs. then after some difficulty we switched. so is si min and her friend in front, me and boey at the back. so ok i was kayaking with si min. rather nicely. =) tell u kayaking with her was great man. =)

then aft tht is somemore ubin familarisation thing. then some amazing race crap. very the sian. then campfire prep and all. then campfire. i tok a lot of crap. ya la the whole camp damn crappy. hippo-e-taitai-eh~~ bla bla. then debrief. we all damn tired liaoz. sleep like pigs. lol rmb wild boar joke? =p

yep. that's it for 2nd day.

us in the shed.

CI mus. lol.

a lot of time wasted on this kind of useless checking. not like we got anything to hide. -.-

pic of me sianded just before being called to the boat.

- Jay

A Serious Warning

2005-06-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

to whoever is posing as me (he who must not be named) to post obscene and hateful messages on girls' blog tagboards as well as inconsiderate messages on mine, i would like to say this is very upsetting and is an act frowned upon by the web community. you should be ashamed of yourself for committing such acts of disrespect. tracing the ip, i have also noticed that you are using the school computers to post such messages that are your dirty work. please. as a good josephian, we should avoid falling to such childish temptations and escapism, but pray to God to resolve the problem. if not, the situation may worsen and furthermore, tarnish our school's excellent reputation. direct and indirect harassment to girls by posing as them or insulting them is an extremely ungentlemanly act and such deeds should be regarded as personal attacks which can be emotionally upsetting. therefore, i strongly urge and enforce that you stop these attacks on us all.

to all victims of this bout of unfortunate attacks, i offer my sincerest apologies and ask for your cooperation in praying for this lost soul that he will come to his senses for the common good and welfare of all.

thank you.

updates: part 1- day 1

2005-06-10T12:07:00.000-07:00

ok a lot a lot of things have happened lately. and i've just been too tired to blog about them. lotsa stuff. one after another. so. here i'll split my gush of emotions into 2 parts: ATC, SPH Camp, Civil Defence Camp. basically 3 diff events. so i shall begin my 1st part. btw since my blog is rather dead i think i can start telling most stuff. as if anyone bothers with a depressed geek anyway.

atc. waited outside the changi jetty visitor center. acsb and queenswadever and nanyang girls were there already. oso got sji la. later then st marg come. ya. so wait and tok crap. then move into the boat. me, bryan tong, boey plus i think daniel and 3 hci guys went with the acsb guys cause they nvr fill up max capacity of the boat. lol. i think only 1/2 their squad go.... or their npcc damn unpopular as a cca. =p

then when all schs reach, we still lug our stuff long long LONG way to the npcc campsite. then we go to the shed. take attendance and split into grps. after dunno how long then let us into the REAL campsite itself. then mr lee tok and tok and tok (trait of all npcc teachers even frm other schs. this is why we all love alger sir. ;)) ok la at least mr lee not as boring as other teachers. then tht ci. musadlik or wadever. lets call him mus. he went to lay out rules bla bla. then confiscate stuff. then discuss new grp name. ppl in front super enthu but ppl at the back all sian sian. i of course in front right? =) lets see. yi lin and si min frm nygh, jessica frm st marg and me and moses. moses kept toking crap like "u know wad c stands for? CUM!!" -.- sick idiot.

in the end settled on coco crunch. lol. actually i suggested cadet campers but the gals insisted on coco crunch. being the gentleman, i let them have their way. lol.
=p

after tht we go pitch tents and a lot of damn boring stuff. most of the camp wasted on crap like tent inspection and reporting. so anyway. my tentmates in b8 were daniel, lincoln and another hci guy. forgot who. =p and en yi frm queens oso. we all dunno how to pitch!! lol. shows how slack our ncos are at campcraft sia.

ya 1st day damn boring. ubin familiarisation. walk arnd and feed mosq. then got ice breaker. fun but meaningless. lol. we all still forgot other peep's names. got the relay games thing oso. blindfold then follow instructions and separate red and green beans. then transfer seawater. (-_-)"'

um. at night we had mock campfire. sing sing sing. hci got sth against an nco called pinky. lol. everyone busy killing mosq. got like 5 piles of mosq carcasses with at least 20 in each. ubin the mosq a lot, but damn easy to kill. followed by debrief.

then go bathe then sleep a while. we woke up at 3am to do sentry duty. bla bla. then go sleep.

so thats day 1 of ATC for u. blogging the rest later. ;)

irony.

2005-05-29T00:16:00.000-07:00

on the train yesterday. 2 rg band gals. giving me weird looks. lol.

one was saying "i skipped breakfast, recess and lunch today, u know... i think im anorexic...."

-.-

i do that too. most days. so wads the prob.

my BMI's a healthy 22.4. =) but i got gastric pains. tht's the only setback. wells. too bad, i guess.

the irony of life sometimes. days u think u had it bad, there are always worse cases. duh.

- Jay
Well every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure~~

uncool

2005-05-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

sth din turn out right. nvm.

sick. AGAIN. juz look at everyone. amanda. yan yee. si yun. yuling. all were or are sick in the past few weeks or wadever.

why huh. seems that we all get sick easily nowadays. or issit juz crappy me with a lousy defective immune system??

i dun undrstand. why do pple use windows media player?? i always always listen to music and all, but i find realplayer and musicmatch jukebox far better than windows media... which is why u'll never see the song thing on my msn nick... until msn supports realplayer or jukebox... =p

nvm. feeling weird now. ptm later. sighh.

- Jay
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she's uncool~~

memory lane

2005-05-24T23:12:00.000-07:00

yep.

feeling northlandy today. =p

see if i get screwed by the tchers tmr. -.-

nites pple. [to my darling: sweet dreams!! will think of u tonight... =p lol]

- Jay

2005-05-24T19:55:00.000-07:00

ok here i am slacking away when im supposed to do physics ubd and physics article AND computer awareness.

sighh. sian. juz wanna say sth. my dear 'brother' mok kai xiang has turned despo. well. more competition for my dear npcc squadmate jun han.

so. here is my evidence.

crazy over a single gal. well. wads new. i'll leave u to decide.

therefore if they fight im gonna yu weng de sheng and take the gal away while they're too engrossed. lol. juz kidding. let em fight it out. ;)

gals i hope u all aren't as despo as em. they're freaking me out.

- Jay

onward!!!

2005-05-22T22:09:00.000-07:00

ok so my results sucked for this term.

lotsa projs to finish too. blehh.

but wadeverr. we all gotta stop brooding over it and get on right? so... ok no more depression for me. keep moving forward and think fast. reflect yet think into the future. dun dwell on the present. cherish and get over it. =)

so. yea. fixed my phone for good. hopefully my new charger and usb cable won't fail me. [quote: i have a bad feeling about this.] =p

btw.... i keep seeing gals on the bball court lately in khatib... cant help but feel... um. they're juz watching sth for hours w/o playing or anything. its basically juz wasting their time. maybe not. guys can ogle at gals for hrs. so vice versa? i shall never know.

anyway. IM A LANCE-CORPORAL!!!!! oh my goodness!!!! YESH!!!!! after those long and dreary hours of revising those drills and perfecting em AND the commands. yea the whole yang tinggi one too. =) drill test on wed. but my points are enough to get me promoted. =) so i'll get my rank on the next parade. yayy!!!! =D

been making use of time to polish up my guitar skills. getting ok for once. hahaha. rawkks ya? =) speaking of polish... yep gotta finish up on my crime prevention and get to polish it... =) and my boots too. suffering from neglect. darth vaderish look huh? i'll achieve it. and while we're on star wars im gonna watch it soon. SOON. -.-

hmms. blog seems dead. real dead. its ok. no one bothers with a depressed guy anyway. =p my blog shall arise from the ashes.... into a hamsterish blog. till i get my css fixede up, we gotta bear with this crappy flawed coding. arrgh. jacq i disabled all the startup javascript for u!!! u dun visit much anyway. lol.

and i owe a lot a lot of pple testimonials on frenster. oops. sorry been busy. com lags too. blehh.

kk enough blabbering. =p

- Jay
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone~~

blamz.

2005-05-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

finished lotsa hmwk today. damn sucky.

super sian... feeling antisocial recently. depression again. oh wth.

ignorance is bliss. today while coming back home, met 'retarded' gal on mrt. but then she was very friendly. she bumped into me and she was like "oops sorry... ok?"

yea. its the innocent who have true compassion and expressions. wish i could be like em. no bloody ubd and projs... and zh if u're reading this i need the swamp info!!

stupid crime prevention proj... must redo. then got physics and history ubd. and com awareness....

so many projs... must redo the sjinpcc.org menu AGAIN. wth.

dun give a damn abt relationships and all anymore. used to think that relationships were impt at this time in life. was wrong. doesnt pay man. doesnt. so. u really wont see me tagging or blogging tht much. now its for real. staying back everyday. gonna work 5x harder than before.

so nothing abt relationships. i know i suck. i know a lot of pple hate me. fine. so wad. not gonna care. and no. i DO NOT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. yes zh u r not trying to steal anyone frm me... haiz. wadeverr.

- Jay
life used to be so simple.

sucky shit.

2005-05-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

oh bloody hell. been like 1++ months since i started being sick. still am. crappy. when will i ever recover frm this illness?!

yea nth much lately. screwed up my tests... wadever. im like dying from all tht homework and stuff. still got tht bloody geog/sci presentation and physics ubd...

yea gonna get started on them like... now?

wad else happened? errr. 2.4 km run. best time from 12.49 to 12.05 or 12.15... matt says its 12.15 but tcher said timing was 12.05... so go wif tcher la.... sighh. still can't break into the 11 min barrier. damn.

then. umm. got new monitor tats 17". did i say tht already?? oh wadevers. finally managed to play warcraft 3. damn slow right?? nvm i dun keep up anyway. runescape was lagging. maplestory was lagging. at least neopets wasn't but i got bored of it.

oh ya promised to post ali's and xun jie's pics... bloody usb cable got prob... now use sd card to transfer...

ali

yea boring life... sighh.

- Jay
check my vital signs
to know i'm still alive and I walk alone~~

dream.

2005-05-02T01:50:00.000-07:00

nows the time to blog abt the incident. not that its the 1st time i recounted it. blehhs.

recess time. jon chen and i went for recess stalls 2 duty. pple keep trying to buy stuff. we had to keep chasing em away... then we kinda a bit late for com awareness... scared mrs rosy goh aka darth maul (ms syed's darth vader) come and kill us... so we run and run to class. jon and i hurried to get our com files and lego... yea. din care abt wadever happening in class. anyway not like we din try... tried frm last yr lor. even teachers and hol oso give up hope... want us to stop em? fat hope.

anyway, the bad bunch (wing keong, xuanyi and others) were playing soccer. i din freakin give a damn abt them cause i was rushing. then mrs goh come and approach me... interrogate me. figured that class needed discipline bad, so i told e truth. anyway thou shalt not lie... so wadever.

she go and say stuff like "not doing anything, prefects... dun deserve ur posts" etc etc. "SURRENDER UR TIES" wad the hell.

today i had the fright of my life. fell asleep while doing maths. dreamt for the 1st time in like 2 yrs? yea i usually dun have dreams. I DREAMT THAT MR CHAN WAS DOING RESELECTION!!! he was like "who vote aaron?" a lot of pple raise hands. (dunno why jon chen lucky can skip selection... must be elian or who bail him out like tht day...) another 2 faceless guys got their turn. then my turn. "who vote jay?" then only my gd gd frens vote me... like zhi xiong and sze jie... less than 5... i was like "wad the hell?!" then mr chan turned to me in some kind of apprentice-weakest link tone. "u r sacked"

then i woke up. bloody hell. really. must be some kind of prophesy or sth. oh wells. leave all things to God.

sighh. nothing much lately. studying. got new 17" monitor at long last. can finally play games... =p

ok so i got suspended from being a prefect... kinda weird feeling. lol. who cares la. i can study well being a prefect or not. like jun hao. grades so gd yet not prefect. =)

now i stay back at annex till 6pm or so daily. anyone who wants to meet me on 105 or sth im sorry u gotta stay back late too... =p

um. met 2 interesting guys at annex. they stay back every day too. ali and xun jie or sth. yeah. post their pics tmr or sth. cant get the usb cable working... blehhs.

- Jay
better stand tall when they're calling you out
don't bend don't break baby don't back down~~

[ Purple Light ]

2005-04-30T00:20:00.000-07:00

Purple light, in the valley
This is where, I wanna be
With my dreams, close companions
With my CIs, my buddies and me
NRC, si bei jia lat
ATC, lagi worse
Everyday, going training
With my CIs, my buddies and me
Going out, to see my girlfriend
Saw her with another boy
Broken hearted, back to NP
With my CIs, my buddies and me
Purple light at the warfront
This is where, my buddy lie
If I die, bury me here
With my CIs..........., my buddies........... and me

another sad sad npcc song... walau do npcc cadets' girlfriends get stolen by others so easily?? humph 2nd song which galfren left him. oh it was sad~~ sighh. will i face the same fate?? (-_-)"' oh wells. working on npcc website... =)

tell u all bout the prefect suspension and all later... if u really wanna know check out aaron's blog. =)

- Jay

too sick to give a proper blog title...

2005-04-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

life is sucky. really.

things are going out of hand lately... getting depressed with everything.

hate those bloody file checks. =(

and the npcc day parade was crap. looks nice overall, but all's faked. everyone's faking illness so st john or red cross or wadever can take em outta the parade.

toking abt fakers. yeah wads new. superficial hypocrites. as if we've not had enough of them. oh wadeverrr. im in no condition to debate over them right now.

im really really really SICK. dunno wad is bloody wrong with me. caused me to have such a bad napfa result. and make me unable to study properly for the tests etc. then deepankar gd la. come and hao lian abt his readers' digest results. fine. wadever. faker.

then jun han also la. gd results in chi want to hao lian. push me around. hao lian issit?? wadever la. very smart liao right?? the sith shall rise again in me. i shall beat u at chi. how complacent can the jedi council get?? wait and see. patience my young apprentice. bwahahaha....

but. to all who have shown concern. nice pple like mingyue, fiona, huiting, si yun, yan yee and others... =) thanks!!! hahaha...

been a bloody long time since i blogged. ahh sch is f***ed up... all the tests and homework are crappy... really. sucks like nvr before. guess i better not use the com so much anymore.

killed 2 mosquitoes. stupid insects. i love my blood cells... humph.

small world out there. jacq knows jon chen. fabian (SCOUT!!!) [nudge xian... =p] knows edward bung.... same church... hmm. world's a small small place. its like a minifig kind of thing... =p oh nevermind.

and mingyue. dun worry too much abt ur hammie. it's gone to a better place up there... juz look for it between the stars at night... =) u might find my golden hamsters there too... =p

haizz... wadever la. life totally sucks. but then. live on. wont be long till u die. time flies.... oh wells. and also. pls pple. dun fake urself. if u do tht u will hurt a lot of pple by being a hypocrite. show ur true feelings. like dear matthew koh. i know u hate me. but why do i still respect u so much?? cause u got guts and u got balls, matt. gd job on tht one. i dun hate u, for one. say wadever u like abt me or wadeverr. at least u r truly urself and not fake. i respect that. =)

yala i know im damn depressing... and sorry to all who have worried for me over this period of blog inactivity... esp yan yee!!! so so sorry!!! =p thanks for the concern, anyway... =)

- Jay
bahh still sick. i've been saving this post as a draft for like 3, 4 days?? if i dun make sense u know why. =p and read my fic too!! u'll know where to find it... =)

ill.

2005-04-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

dang body. plagued with some stupid virus.

sore throat, aching bones, fever etc etc.

same old ailments since i was born. man.

missed the chi test. sucks.

din go sch lor. damn. why do i have such a stupid lousy immune system... i can probably write a better programming system using C# or visual basic or sth. gahh i feel like dying now. THIS SO DAMN SUCKS!!! (\_/)

vit c. strepsils. wadever medicine thingy. yuch. [ ok strepsils were nice... =p ]

ok im feeling very dark and down now. so i shall end with the Sith Code. enjoy. =)

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.

- Jay
There is a great disturbance in the Force.

quizzes...

2005-04-19T17:42:00.000-07:00

Take the quiz: "Are you a Jedi or Sith?"

Anakin Skywalker - Jedi Guardian/Sith
Clouded your future is! The outcome of your training is not yet known. For now it looks like your path leads to both the light and dark sides of the Force. Masterful with a lightsaber, and well knowledgeable in the force. Hatred runs deep throughout your body. Yet your feelings towards others is very strong, full of love.

Take the quiz: "How Geeky are YOU?"

Total Nerd
Well. Um...huh. You are a complete and utter, undeniable geek. You live, sleep, and breathe a multiple array of fantastical universes that exist only in your (and many other nerds') mind. You may want to consider getting a life soon, but that's just a suggestion. Live long and prosper, and may the force be with you...geek.

it's so lame. lol.

- Jay

gark... koff koff. bleahhgh

2005-04-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

damn suck la.

my sis and i vying to use bloody com. crappy. wadever lah. this kind of shit totally ruins my life.

sorry for being so vulgar and boring but im kinda hard-pressed for time here. blehhs. wadever.

yeah. sorry guys if u find me a total bore. dun have to admit it. its deep in ur heart right? lol. sorry for not replying to tags too. see if i have time k?

yeps. not gonna blog as often as i said. but blogging's so addictive!! =) oops. lol.

yeah. past 2 days. crappy GOH training. train some crap out. GOH 1 sucks like shit. really lor. not i side the CIs or sth la. even gal contingent GOH 2 better than us liao. but seriously cedar gals damn pro lehh. very funny to see the prize recipient frm cedar tap her legs with pei wei to the marching beat. wahahaha. spastic to see 2 SIs tap legs in unison. lol.

my life's roller-costa. gd thing is tht my physics's getting bit better and my frens are so supportive. =) bad thing's my maths sucks totally and my handphone's wacko. arrghh.

keeash. tok abt frens. to all gals out there: DUN GO INTO BGR SO YOUNG!!!
too many gals have regretted it. dun become a statistic. lol i plagarised it frm eng ws. but seriously. dun commit till u r really sure. so u wont hurt both parties. lots of gals are breaking and making recently... ok i sound OLD. hahaha im an august baby wont be my bdae for a long time.

but overall. thanks pple!! esp fiona, huiting, si yun, alice, yan yee!! =) i was getting bored with myself. glad u all could bear with my crappiness. hahaha.

and sam!!! nvr come online for so long... we were all getting worried.... =p

kk GUYS dun get jealous. u know i absolutely love u all too... =) im "Jay the Gay" as quoted by pri sch pple and sji pple. and they absolutely have no connection with each other. wth. anyone read the unique name article in straits times today? hahaha... but im really not gay. im straight. awww do i sense disappointment in u GUYS?? lol.

uh. busy schedule. prob wont have much to blog abt anyway. boring life. =p the way of the nerd. =)

- Jay
suspect the deceptive. apprehend the culprit. bwahahaha.

ps gd luck to all who have competitions, parades etc. keep urselves healthy. =)

yeoman service @ turf city

2005-04-13T21:31:00.000-07:00

today was bleah. as usual.

wonder wad would happen if this blog turned into my NYAA journal. =p

yeah. duty. human barricade.

i did shift 1 halfway then pei wei say we sit down a while then do shift 2. bloody. do 1 1/2 shifts. crap lor.

nth much to blog abt. juz stand there sian sian. victoria pple cheering. but like crap liddat. not loud not nice.

always damn hot in the afternoon. then after that dismissal time definitely rain. stupid. every year lehhs.

saw samantha during duty. lol. track and field mah. then she like nvr see me until last minute. hahaha... nvm lahh lots of chances to meet in future... =p sji damn bo liao oso, every yr must host this stupid x-country. and every yr oso ug. sianz.

mr chen today ok. cause nvr tok abt physics a lot. he got better impression of me cause i answer a lot of the quiz qn right. =) i mean like bio qns. and some physics. im da general knowledge expert. lol buay hiao bai. but rmb mrs teo's quiz last time?? knowledge seekers?? i got so many qns right. =) yayy. come to think of it i totally love knowledge seekers. shu ling, yan yee, yi xin, siti, sudhar (he go boarding sch or sth right?) and me!!! =)

siggh. pri sch rawkks. =) amkps got nice 'speak gd eng' badge nps got nice pple. only prob with nps is... MRS TAN-KHAW. [play Imperial March music]

shes so.... sadistic. after 2 yrs of sadistic ncos. shes still so damn evil. oh well. i'll live to appreciate it. someday. if i live. wow 2 big MAYBEs. lol.

damn sian. life is dreary. its not depressing just yet. just. labourous and dreary. bleahs.

- Jay
kumbalalala kumbalalala walawalabishta~~

bahh.

2005-04-12T20:42:00.000-07:00

its really sad.

if only the ministers and all would see us students in this state. bleah.

look at us all. ok pick like any 10 blogs of sec sch pple in s'pore. bet u like 9 pple are super stressed and depressed.

oh wells.

tmr is yeoman service... stand like freaking statues at the turf club thingy.

at least my hist essay is said as best by mrs seah... hahaha... yayy.
=)

schwk is damn sucky. alger's getting me killed. die lah.

well. im getting into another bout of depression. shucks. its not gd to be depressed but... oh wadever lor. but still i have great great rawkking frens. who arh. lol. list em when i have time. =p

- Jay

sigh... it doesn't pay to be good.

2005-04-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

yea. life is sucky. wads new.

im really half dying.

everything's freakin screwed up. this world is totally crappy.

im getting screwed for the npcc website. im getting screwed by the prefect exco. im gonna get killed by mrs jey, ms richards and mr chen. debate club is gonna crumble too with marcus sim losing the class debate. well. i lost too.

first. I DUN FREAKING UNDERSTAND WHAT MR CHEN IS TOKING ABT IN PHYSICS!!!!! ARRGHHHH!!!! damn physics. to hell with it. when religion and science conflict, i'll stick to religion. damn the stupid laws. wad nell's laws?! f*** them. sorry i really detest physics. i'll never get to triple sci class.

second. sorry ms richards but i really dun like maths. no matter how much i do i dun get the bloody concept. it sucks. its not like im slacking or wad. i really really try very hard. guess its not freaking enough.

third. depression. everyone has it. tats why pple are behaving strangely these days, yea? i mean. if all ur html and javascript screws up. ur css is haywire. prefects all getting screwed. npcc goh get scolded and everything. teachers complaining abt ur work. frens turn mean. pple dao u. i mean like it really sucks.

haiz. forget it.

- Jay
feeling warm and bright~~ NOT.

Mixed Emotions

2005-04-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

tmr is full-dress goh training.

happy and sad at the same time.

oh wells.

so damn sian. tons of hmwk.

but at least there r nice pple in this world. like st marg npcc!!! =)

the gals damn gd to us... they got shuttle bus after today's training... we dun hav (see sji so cheapo... lol)... then they invite us... wa so sweet and kind of them hor... lol.

npcc day parade in abt 2 weeks. syf too right?? dunno. anyway. frm wad i know. sji band working damn hard. look at rg co. oso so motivated... lol. so. competition and parade pple, work hard and gd luck!! =)

yeah. damn sian. dun blog now liao. haiz. wadever la... i think my brain's not working now. =p

- Jay

Back On Track...

2005-04-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

now. my life in a nutshell. hahaha hammie-nuts... lol.

- schwk sucks totally. esp physics and maths /=(
- debate club. i got in!! =) but both marcus sim and i lost in our class debates. walau so diu lian.
- npcc is crap. npcc day in dunno how many days only. like syf. pple training damn hard for it.
- patched up with zh. frens again!! =)
- jacq is NOT my galfren.
- prefect board is in the pits. pple are slacking duty, ics not doing their job etc etc. exco is really pissed. we're in for a screwing.
- my handphone, after repair, still has stupid usb cable and charging prob. lesson learnt: DUN BUY MOTOROLA E398!!! =(
- finished depression time. but then im still damn irritated with myself.
- wun be using com as much liao. im gonna study study study even more now tat my social life's ok. =p

yep.

i learnt a lesson today.

i was on 105 in the morn, toking to bryan lim. then this malay woman juz had to suddenly cut between us when theres so much space around. we were like:"errrr...."
she like ignore us lor.
i was thinking:"bloody hell u selfish pig no brains issit?!"
then i reflected.
"ok why cant i let my elder have that place?? im so selfish to think abt myself only..."

so. its a short incident. but it taught me to know that im not always in the right.

today prefect duty. founder's day reception. kope food? nahh. im not corrupted lol.
serve drinks. fruit punch was super popular... hahaha. in the end no one eat bee hoon. got a lot left. like nps p6 grad dinner liddat. lol. yeah. i tapau 4 pkts. then i saw ryan, kenneth and others frm npcc and their frens. offered them. they took 3 pkts. then i though like "ok i dun eat bee hoon anyway." lol.

then i took the remaining pkt. i walked out the sch gate there then i saw the security guard. see he like so lonely and ke lian liddat cause everyone go home liao except him. i think he oso nvr eat lunch. so i gave last pkt to him.

oh well. did sth gd today. hahahaha... i din bring anything to sch. and i left w/o anything. juz right. =)

ok today i dug out all my boxes and boxes of lego and counted the minifigs. ranged frm minifigs 8 yrs ago to 2 weeks ago... lol. time lapse. yeah. total abt 171++. i know still got sumore somewhere. i think video clipping will be quite a breeze. i mean 171 minifigs to work with!!! lol. anyway zh finally saw the beauty of minifigs. hahaha...

ok i added elian's and wesley's pic on the mouseover description... =)

- Jay
tis the season for no reason... lalalalala, lalalala~~

204 NCC Land-- weirdo bunch

2005-04-04T20:03:00.000-07:00

heres the bunch of weirdo ncc land cadets frm 204 (ranked with popularity):

- Elian
- Matthew
- Cheng Weng
- Zhi Hao

elian is a great guy. at times. lol. hes a gd av rep i concur. but he gets bullied by miss syed. poor dude. sometimes being gd doesnt pay. only problem with elian is his racist jokes. it isnt very appropriate sometimes. and that is when it isnt very funny.
rating: 7.5/10

matthew is a darn funny guy i have to admit. his antics are humourous. 1st ncc guy i know who is the REALLY FUNNY kind. u know, like those u can really laugh about. only probs with him. hmm. nothing much lehh. hes a nice guy frm wad i can see. maybe his rashes thingy tat only goes away in nov?? lol lets not remind him.
rating: 8/10

cheng weng. oh mann. the usual sji type who watches gundam seed on tvmobile on the bus everyday. yep. not that hes that bad. but he can get nasty if he chooses to. i dun wanna elaborate. cause he lives in khatib too and i risk being massacred when asleep. lol. but gals pls be wary of him. today i finally saw him having his eyes glued to sth besides the tv. i was "wow hes finally looking at sth else". but it turned out he was intently scrutinizing the scgs gal in front of him. where else to look but her fallen bra strap. oh manns. cheng weng u have failed the way of the jedi. lol. hes not very gd at being a cca rep though. doesnt do much!! =p
rating: 6.5/10

here comes zh. i dunno wad to say. really. ok he tries his best to be funny and get the same charm as his gd-gd fren matt. obviously he fails lahh. he just isnt funny lehh. he doesnt get tat kind of sparks/chemistry/wadever matt has. bloody hell. nvr laugh he say we dao him. "ohhh not funny arh" kind of thing. laugh then he say "u think everything i say is a joke issit?!" i cant stand him. i really cant.
stop ur act lah zh. i know its not the real u.
rating: 3

today ms wong say for projects we must put our grudges aside bla bla. i'll take that advice. i havent forgiven u since last time completely. but then ms wong says we must be "professional" and keep "personal things" aside. fine. i tok to u, i work with u, i let u copy hw bla bla. we do things as usual. but the thing is.
I NEVER LIKED U.

see why i din put u under true frens?? see?

i dunno wads ur prob. seriously. u wanna tok abt it?? msn, yahoo, irc, sms, call, telepathy, pigeon mail, email, us postal service, tele-conference, web-cam chat, tagboard, wadever. either we settle this once and for all. or we drag this problem on. im fine with either. its not like i have a lack of frens.

- Jay

as usual:
"we must learn to live as brothers or perish together as fools"
Martin Luther King JR

[ I Ask My Love ]

2005-04-03T13:31:00.000-07:00

here's an npcc song for u all:

I ask my love, to take a walk
To take a walk, down Orchard Road
By pass Mandarin, to Centrepoint
Where we had lunch, at McDonald

We had fillet, and apple pie
And share a cup, of lemon lime
I hold her hands, look into her eyes
And asked her to, be my Valentine

Now I'm confined, in NPCC
I missed her so, my sweet honey
I promised her, when I booked out
I called her out, and date her out

There was one night, we went night hike
There was no light, so we use torchlight
Under the clear moonlight, look into her eyes
I asked her to, be my future wife

But she rejected me, she turned me down
She turned her head, and said good-bye
I was so sad, now that she had gone
So I turned my way to the airport

When I reached airport, I was alone
I looked around, and saw my love
There was one guy, standing beside her
I was so sad and departed

So I named this song, a sad sad song
Coz it breaks my heart, and filled with tears
Oh my darling, now that you have gone
Let me alone to sing this song

There was one day, I saw a girl
Who looks alike, my beloved
I ran to her, gently hold her hands
Then I realized, she is not mine

- Jay

bam. last straw.

2005-04-03T11:30:00.001-07:00

ok im not angry.

but fiddling with pple's phones is unacceptable. totally.

sending weird smses. great. just great.

ok fine i know im a loser. u dun have to tell me tat.

ruin my social life. ok wadever it wasnt much to begin with in the first place.

tease taunt bully take advantage of me. go on. im such a pushover. wussy. sissy. fine.

so wad? so wad if u beat me at tests and exams?? so wad if u have a better life than i do? so wad if u have a fan club of girls tailing u? so wad if u beat me at everything?? so?? so wad if i wanna stick to being christian?? so wad if u beat me at sports?? so?? well?

tats it. nothing matters anymore. im gonna work super hard frm now on. no more chatting on msn, no smses, no more long blog posts.

time is money. money makes the world go round. im not being materialistic. im being logical. im gonna study my whole life.

nothings gonna stop me. not u. not me. not anyone. its my life why do u even care??

why are u all being hypocrites?? why?? why care abt wat i do?? wad i score? wad i tok abt?? who my girlfren is? which teacher i like?? huh?! like why do u wanna interfere with my freakin life.

its like over. the old me has game-overed. jay has failed. bam. ko. insert new credits.

im gonna live my new life as i want it. im not gonna tok to mean pple who bully hamsters. not gonna care abt insecure pple who pry into others' life thru handphones. trust man. betraying trust is the worst thing u could do to anyone. im gonna study study study.

more bible devotion. more self-improvement.

less chatting. less crap.

all i need is God. no one else. nothing else.

if u think u can influence me to be like my old self, think again.

- Jay
the wound gets deeper, the closer u are to me.

this blog would prob be closed down sooner or later. im such a bore. hope it was fun while it lasted. maybe i'll get a new one up. maybe. just maybe.

new hammie

2005-03-30T18:20:00.000-08:00

hahahaha... got new hammie today. frm mrs seah. yayy. so cute.

iloveitiloveit!!! (n_n) hahaha but naturally i love jacq more!! arrgh!!! lol.

wad to name it?? hmm. hows cream sound?? gravy?? sauce?? oh well. any ideas pple?

ok. now. got back hp.

updated my blog. a bit. new links. forgot to relink zh again. shucks.

but i changed everyone's description a bit. lol. anything unsatisfactory tagg. (n_n)

tmr or sth i add pics. wahahahaha.

a lot of hmwk. sian. nvm. work is work. wadever still must do. duty. responsibility. service.

i sound spastic. i always do. that gd or bad?? lol.

- Jay

sports heats

2005-03-29T19:12:00.000-08:00

before i begin this post.

ANY SMS OR CALL U RECEIVED FROM ME IN THE PAST 24 HOURS IS NOT MADE BY ME. ESPECIALLY RUDE, VULGAR, OFFENSIVE OR OTHER SENSITIVE STUFF LIKE "I LOVE U".

left my handphone in class today. the whole day. damn. hope no one messed with it. or they will be sorry. anyway ms richards knows liao. anything goes wrong and the person is totally screwed. so wadever crap u pple received, especially to u gals, IT'S FREAKING NOT ME. thank you.

today was sports heats. dunno why they choose me. im like so slow. came in 4/5 for the relay. oops. oh well. everyone was sprinting. all the sports pple. track n field, rugby blah blah. hello im in npcc. we dun specialise in sports. anyway my BMI is a crappy 0.1 above Normal/Healthy for asians. normal is 25 for europeans. then s'pore had to change to 23 for asians. wad the.

yah. today mrs seah say she moving house. giving away pets. wahahahaha. hamster. the whole class was like "jay jay" when she ask who can keep. lol. so ok la. but tmr got prefect duty... aww dunno wads gonna happen to it... lol

yeah. got more hmwk to do. oh ya i found my sense of humour. when i tripped today my brain started working again... lol.

yupp cya tmr pple!! and remember the letter of the day is s and the number is 4!! s for spastic!! 4 for fourth place!! yayy!!

~marshmallow street~

- Jay

lost my sense of humour

2005-03-28T23:45:00.000-08:00

oh well. cant laugh much.

got some prob. its saddening.

i really am forcing myself to laugh. nothing seems funny nowadays.

maybe except hammies. and marshies.

somehow the combination sounds nice... lol.

hmm. tons and tons of homework. high expectations. cant understand how some pple can be so relaxed... its sec2 streaming yr for gdness's sake. april's coming. march is ending.

why are u all so relaxed?! yuling, jacqueline, zh... why?!

i think i slack too much. gotta buck up. my life is in ruins. must pick up. must succeed.

- Jay

dying from homework

2005-03-27T22:37:00.000-08:00

issit juz me or my grades are slipping.

this means less internet time. less chatting. less blogging. less writing fanfics.

yep. awww.

tons of hmwk.

today in church yingyi asked me if i wanna serve in church.

wahahahaha. my singing and guitar skills are the pits.

only thing i can do is teach, i guess. i think it rawkks to teach in church. =)

yeah.

updated my fic. its still not as nice as i expected. oh well.

yayy go here

the day i teach in church. wahahahaha. we shall await that day.

- Jay

[ Solitaire ]

2005-03-27T21:05:00.000-08:00

There was a man, a lonely man
Who lost his love through his indifference
A heart that cared, that went unshared
Until it died in his silence

And Solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
And by himself, it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again

And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire

Another day, a lonely day
So much to say that goes unspoken
And through the night, his sleepless nights
His eyes are closed, his heart is broken

And Solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
And by himself it's easy to pretend
She's coming back again

And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire

A little hope, goes up in smoke
Just how it goes, goes without saying
Solitaireee
And by himself it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
Ohhh

And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire
Solitaire, solitaire

A little hope, goes up in smoke
Just how it goes, goes without saying
Solitaireee
And by himself it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
Ohhh

And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire
Solitaire, solitaire

[i know u guys are sick of hearing all these songs over and over... but i like this song... lol]

- Jay

goals. marshies. lame.

2005-03-26T12:58:00.000-08:00

ok. i think this incident made me realise how i rank stuff.

1. God
[naturally. all things in God's time]
2. my work/studies
[duh. im a nerd/geek even though jacq says im not. lol. im a career minded guy...]
3. my wife/girlfriend
[heyy im human too. lets hope. i get lonely too. would be nice to have someone to share my joy and grief with... someone to hug at night... oh well i better stop dreaming... lol.]
4. my family/frens
[somehow im sort of a loner sometimes. i think i can live without my family... juz think so lehh. but when i START a family things will change. hahaha.]
5. my hobbies
[i love reading, scripting and collecting minifigs!! yayy!!! i know im childish but thats me. lol.]

so actually i dun take frens as SO important... lol. so sorry if i dun treat u all very nicely for the past 2 weeks or so... work comes first and im super stressed from projects and homework. sorry pple!!

yep. i love my hammies too. lol.

i have included them under the marshie empire... hahaha... yes u can start calling me sir marshie. im the knight protector of marshie kingdom who protects the queen and the citizens, upholding peace within the empire for a better community for the people... i oso patrol around the streets and arrest all suspicious non-marshie pple. and stop pple from worrying about their privacy and security being violated and jeopardised. hahaha.

i work hand in hand with zh aka spartan-117 who defends marshie kingdom from external threats. any covenant or alien/predator dudes who come near get killed by him. he ensures that marshie kingdom is well-defended and that the citizens dun wake up and find themselves slaves for big-headed freaks and their homes destroyed.

typical work for the josephian npcc and ncc cadet. police and army. cool.

the queen is of course our pretty and intelligent jacqueline!!! lol. jacqueline sounds like the name fit for a princess... lol. she rules over marshie kingdom and cares for the well-being of citizens. [wa so kind right?] she makes the people of marshie kingdom happy and satisfied. she employs people to construct fun places for the citizens to dwell and play in, and oso joke-vending machines that tell jokes when u insert a marshie. lol. the place is happy, spastic and retarded. did i mention lame?? wahahahaha. and she is HOT. ooh sexy... no not that 'hot'. as in over a fire. nice and pretty on the outside yet warm and soft inside... lol. she is full of warmth towards the people. u all will love her. (n_n) well i do. yuling does. hahaha. this is retarded.

a common sight would be people laughing for no apparent reason and this 'bug' will be infectious, spreading to all the people around. soon u will see the whole street full of laughing citizens. lol.

yep. the perfect fantasy land. who else wants to join?? we need some princesses and handmaidens... guards and workers and others... lol.

join da revolution towards marshie kingdom!! yayy.

- Jay

Apologies

2005-03-25T21:50:00.000-08:00

alright. i've been a damn jerk for the past week.

everything's gone wrong.

pple are juz pushing all the projects to me. i have too many projects on hand.

high expectations from parents and teachers. frens are drifting away...

sorry guys for being such a selfish pig.

- Jay

KOK YULING: My View

2005-03-25T09:20:00.000-08:00

kok yuling.

conclusion:
good: u r a good friend to others
bad: u r a sexist, only good to gals
good: u have a unique sense of humour
bad: not everyone appreciates it
good: u try to be/are sociable
bad: u end up making enemies at the same rate as friends
good: u try to clear things up between u and ur frens
bad: obviously u fail with some pple
good: u try to be fun
bad: its really not funny when u tease ur frens this way

final judgement:
apology accepted. but relationship status==0.
u dun give guys a chance to know u. WE DO NOT KNOW U. U DO NOT KNOW US.
we dunno how u r like. we think u r mean when all u wanted was to have some fun.
therefore u r sexist. dun just bunch up with gals and unsuspecting targets such as edward bingei.
one day u will piss zh too. i can feel it coming.

- Jay

enough is enough.

2005-03-24T16:20:00.000-08:00

im depressed enough.

yuling i hate to say it but u r not a fren to anyone.

the only so-called frens u have are insecure pple who love to suan one another behind their backs bunching up together.

ok that was a little too harsh. let me correct myself. the friends u have have been repeatedly hurt by u KOKKY. why cant u be nicer to ur frens? why cant u appreciate all that pple have done for u? they persist being ur frens because they wanna change u yuling. cant u understand?! they wanna help u find ur humane side. appreciate ur frens. or rather those determined ones. dun u see how pissed off mok is with u?

i can finally understand. will it ever dawn upon u. i wonder. hopefully. we'll just have to pray abt it.

it will come back to haunt u. its the law of nature. wad goes up must come down.

but God is merciful. i know. we all do. but do we really appreciate what God has done for u?! God gave u friends. and wad. u take em for granted. thats a sin in itself.

and zh. do u think by suaning me u can get more tags on ur blog?! wad kind of fren are u. ask urself. do u have a conscience?! u have disgraced the purity of loyal friendships. i knew such a day would come. do u finally understand why i din include u as one of my 'true frens' in my previous posts?! i have enough experience to know who can be a real friend. I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED ENOUGH. THAT IS THE LAST STRAW.

nvm. Jesus was betrayed by his disciple too. lets just take this as a lesson for Good Friday.

Jesus did rise again on the 3rd day.

someday. i will too. maybe.

- Jay

what's done can never be undone; never regret, only reflect.
the stiller the water, the deeper the depth. the calmer i look the deeper im hurt.

Where I Left Off...

2005-03-23T19:10:00.000-08:00

right. actually i wanted to blog abt npcc camp... but sth freaked me out when i was blogging the other time.

but i shall retell the story, this time in a more respectful tone... =p

first day morn was super sian. run frm canteen to parade sq dunno how many times... the reign of ronald loh the banana ci... haiz.

got start camp parade. mr lee go and pump everyone IN THE PARADE. EVERYONE. parade somemore... so paisehhs.

afternoon do drills, pt, campcraft. the usual.

then before we bathe do a lot a lot of pushups. damn sian lor. change into new clothing for 'standardisation'. bloody.

then night walk. this yr not very long. last yr nicer... lol. this yr not tiring. should make it longer.

slept @ 12mn after polishing boots for pple in my bunk. 2am the cis blow whistle say what fire drill... wth. do pushups until 2.45 lor. walau walau.

tht night cant sleep. miss jacq... lol.

then is 2nd day. the same crappy drills, pt etc etc. morning pt 3/4 the squad fall out, say wad crap ailments. 1st day i skipped a bit liao, so i decided to be hardworking... lol.

afternoon sing songs. skit practice. blah blah. lame stuff. alger sir ask who wanna do the sji npcc website... so naturally i volunteered. lol. hope i still can manage. (n_n)

at night is campfire... every year see ronald loh the ex-SI now CI doing banana dance... so lame. then here comes the freakish part.

i was blogging till the end of the next para when lightning struck or sth. my whole com blacked out. brrrr. dun mess with the supernatural.

yah. tht afternoon before bath. cis say they found a formation sign at the canteen dustbin... and lecture us while we were on pushup position... then ask us change to full u. in the end they check everyone... all have lehh. so they very awkward. lol.

tht night after campfire... mr lee tok abt ghost stories... haunted places in sji. and that the crest and formation sign were 'sacred' and 'blessed'. yeah right, i thought. i was blogging here when my com blacked out.

we all thought he was toking crap, cause it related to the for sign incident. and we were to have night walk around sch later on... haunted places sumore... wadever...

yah tats abt it. guess the only ghost in sch tats active would be an npcc cadet... which explains the mysterious formation sign... (-_-)"'

tats abt all for npcc camp...

back to the present.

i seriously dunno why u all wanna compare stuff. its irritating. if u all really want to discuss tht, u all should go to

ICERED

i think those pple there are a bunch of losers who have too much time. if u all really wanna join them go ahead. after all its just my biased, prejudiced, stereotyped opinion.

im damn childish k? i like collecting minifigs. i see nth wrong with that. i said i dun have a life. my goal in life is to get top for o lvl then a lvl then u then go start a family then die.

i really dun see wads so stupid abt collecting stuff. we all do. stamps, stickers, blah blah. junk? cds? wadever.

and no i dun usually have time to actually look for songs... and its illegal to download songs, according to the Copyright Act. =p so yuling either u send me the song or i'll have to stick to ur accusation that im dao-ing u. i seriously dun get u. maybe rg rocked u so much u cant tok to a lifeless nerd/geek frm sji clearly because he understands only technical terms.

ok i suck. i admit. i dun have a life. i cant get into the top 3 in class. i lost to jon chen by 1 position i could have kicked myself in the head that is if i can even to proper cartwheels in pe in the first place.

i suck argument 2: i dun refuse others.
everyone someone asks me for donations i will definitely donate. someone asks to borrow stuff i always oblige. now wad. i end up doing tons of projects all by myself. leaving me with no time to do anything except the occasional blog post and reply tags. and i still owe pple cash for the tissue pkts... sorry rg pple. i'll prob give u all the cash on alumni dinner if i dun have the stupid guard-of-honour training on sat.

i suck argument 3: im too good/gullible. pple bully me. i dun deny it and i dun mind. as long as its not too bad, i really dun care. but. i really cant take it sometimes. i end up always on the losing end. maybe im a born loser. no, we cant blame our parents for our own faults. it was just an accident. i dunno wad happened to me.

im too spastic. i really am lame. whoever draws a smiley face on the frosted glass in an mrt in front of everyone?! well thats me.

if u all really think that im not a gd fren feel free to end any relations. i dun wish to hold anyone back from having a better jay-less life.

but for my true frens out there, i will always love u all and miss u all all the time. u have my word.

- Jay

Tired... So... Tired.

2005-03-20T23:32:00.000-08:00

lots of stuff to blog abt... esp npcc camp.

but its super freaky... tell u all tmr or sth.

tmr sch opens... wads new i go back sji mon-fri. haiz.

brain dead. tats why im so monotonous. lol.

new blog template coming up at new add... tell u all to relink when its done. hahaha.

relinked some peeps. added some new links and all. will add pics tmr.

so crazy abt 2 things lately.

1) minifigs... so nice. love lego, esp the star wars series.

2) u-know-who. lol. miss her so much.

ok im really depressed these days. all u pple so bad to me... haiz.

and then alger sir put me in charge of npcc website with boey and wei jin... they oso damn pro. competition. haiz.

sjinpcc will have a website. i declare it. it shall become my blog link. soon. lol.

so tmr i blog abt freakish npcc post. kk gotta pack stuff for tmr. lost lit wksheets. damn. (-_-)"'

- Jay

so so tired... jacqueline... thanks for the sms. so sweet!! (n_n)

Lonely...

2005-03-13T23:32:00.000-08:00

haiz. yesterday after proj i took 700a to far east plaza...

felt weird. see the girl cliques chatting, the guys huddled together, lovey-dovey couples...

alone. i dunno. kinda 'pains' me to be walking around the mall alone... it just doesnt feel right. now i know why God made Woman to accompany Man. Adam felt the same way as me... or rather the other way round... lol.

no man is an island. how true. i couldnt stand the couples especially though. hugging and groping in public... oh well. maybe its jealousy that i dun have someone to love and care about? [ok hamsters not counted] why? maybe jealous is too strong. how abt envy?? lol.

feel desolate. not much frens in this world, i guess. or is it just me who doesnt know how to appreciate?? oh well. (-_-`)

jay and jacqueline. hmm. err... well. it doesnt sound too bad... lol.

crush is a... well. inappropriate word. crush means to scrunch up sth. hmm. thinking one step further... maybe its the thought of hugging the other party so hard cause he/she's simply too cute?? lol.

alright i do admit. yes jacqueline is very nice. din u all read my testi to her on hi5?? lol. yes she is very extremely pretty. shes a great fren. but. here comes the but. red carpet. spotlights. news coverage. cameras. lol. relationships take time to grow, see. its like a flower bud. delicate, yet holding lots of promise. u cant rush it to grow. too fast and it will not mature properly. too slow [drag too long] and the flames of romance die out, leaving an old wrinkled flower.

look. these things take a lot of patience and devotion. we are all ready to commit but is it the right person? right time?

without developing proper petals first, the insect-pollinated flower is not likely to be pollinated at all. ok so it seems damn obvious i like jacqueline. shes a FRIEND. friend. brudder [lol... love the spelling of tis word. sounds spastic]. pal.

think abt how she feels. stop saying we're an item. u all know wad jay chou said abt jolin. "she desperately wants to fall in love but guys think that we're an item and dun dare to try asking her out"

see? i really really dun want to deprive anyone of future happiness. but if 2 pple are really meant to be, God will provide for a miracle. i believe.

to jacqueline: if u feel hurt or dejected at this, im really sorry. but. frens forever right?? remember, we're j&j the spastic duo!! ^5!!! (n_n)

we should concentrate on our studies and roles in sch. but. we all will feel lonely. esp me when npcc camp starts tmr. oh well.

- Jay

jacq. me. best of frens! [imaginary neoprint?? lol im really spastic]

holidays==extra days for camps and activities

2005-03-12T22:52:00.000-08:00

sigh. later going jon chen's house to do proj... lol.

sunday church takes up whole day. oh well.

mon to wed- npcc camp. its gonna be super lame. havent finish baton drills ask us to do rifle... nvm rifle more impt... =p

thurs got some chinese lang society activity... i quit like 6 months ago... but tcher ask me to go... so i go lor. anyway they think my acting quite gd... lol. nvm. maybe i should join back??

friday got GOH training... bleah. again. i mean like... oh well. dun enjoy it... but feel honoured to be part of it... errr. i dun make sense. lol.

normally mon got debate club. tues got extra higher chi class. wed got stupid maths remedial that i can finally quit. sheesh. thurs is the day for proj and all. fri is npcc. haiz. cannot join chi lang society. or i everyday got cca. (-_-)"'

depressing. at least some of my frens can cheer me up... lol.

dudes at sji. pls. when i said jacq was chio u all like immediately got interested. yes, she is extremely extremely pretty. but guys, is tat all u look for?? ask urself. do looks matter that much?? if yes, it shows how immature ur thinking is. yes, she is pretty. but she is super super lame and spastic too. think abt it. some pple cannot stand this kind of pple. i can. =p im lame and spastic too!! lol.

like. the point is. dun make frens just because of looks. appearances are deceiving. let me quote from merchant of venice. "so may the outward shows be least themselves. the world is still deceived with ornament."

love ur frens for who they are and not how they look.

- Jay

[ Everyday ]

2005-03-12T22:03:00.000-08:00

I used to be the kind of guy
Who'd never let you look inside
I'd smile when I was crying
I had nothing but a life to lose
Thought I had a lot to prove
In my life, there's no denying

Goodbye to all my yesterdays
Goodbye, so long, I'm on my way

I've had enough of cryin'
Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
Hear me when I say
Gonna live my life everyday
I'm gonna touch the sky
And I spread these wings and fly
I ain't here to play
I'm gonna live my life everyday

Change, everybody's feeling strange
Never gonna be the same
Makes you wonder how the world keeps turning
Life, learning how to live my life
Learning how to pick my fights
Take my shots while I'm still burning

Goodbye to all those rainy nights
Goodbye, so long, I'm moving on

I've had enough of cryin'
Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
Hear me when I say
Gonna live my life everyday
I'm gonna touch the sky
And I spread these wings and fly
I ain't here to play
I'm gonna live my life everyday
Hit the gas, take the wheel
I've just made myself a deal

There ain't nothing gonna get in my way
Everyday

Goodbye, so long, I'm moving on

I've had enough of cryin'
Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
Hear me when I say
Gonna live my life everyday
I'm gonna touch the sky
And I spread these wings and fly
I ain't here to play
I'm gonna live my life everyday

I, oh I, oh I, I'm gonna live my life everyday
I (gonna touch the sky), oh I (spread these wings and fly), oh I
I'm gonna live my life everyday

MadHat Krazy Day

2005-03-11T22:52:00.001-08:00

yesterday. mixed emotions.

"yayy!! frm tmr no sch liao except for GOH training!! ole!!!"
"crap man. bring so many files home. later still must go Police Academy to get GOH uniform."

irony. managed to stuff all my files, chi dict, and wadever else crap into my bags. yupp. BAGS. still very heavy.

lugged the whole works to PA. waited like super long outside before anything happened. then sir go in go out. each interval: 10min. walau.

eventually got the uniform. then still must get the badges. btw that collar pin they gave sucks. cannot pierce thru collar and the cover is too loose. crap.

yah. 15 buttons on GOH U compared to 7 on Full U. polish like siao. boots oso polish like crazy. but my boots have reputation of shiniest in my squad. =p

but yesterday a BIT of kiwi got onto the shirt. walau!!! stupid. could have kicked myself. or rather hit my head against the wall. zhuang qiang. me-->||

nvm. yeah damn pissed. but controlled myself from venting anger on honeybaked and honeyroasted. =p cant afford to lose them. got really pissed by the stupid collar pin and mark. crap.

oh well. alls crap ends crap. dun think so much.

anyway. u guys. stop harassing jacqueline will ya. really. it pains me to know she has to hide herself at the bus-stop all because of me... if u all continue this i will probably stop being her friend to stop u all bugging her. k?

jacqueline. sorry sorry sorry!!! sorry to make u so awkward and all... just try to be urself k?? =) anything i can do to make up to u just tell me. friends forever, ya?? lol.

- Jay
"guys, as brothers, should share everything except their girlfriends." -anonymous
"we should learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools." - Martin Luther King JR

So What?

2005-03-08T15:37:00.000-08:00

surreal.

4A1s 2 C5s. 4th in class. 72%. MSG 2.33. improvement score: 0.274.

so?

is it such a big deal??

i seriously dont get it. what am i doing all these for?? it seems pointless.

everyday is a win-lose situation. either u do well or u are looked down upon.

so what if im 4th? pple still boast abt their ting xie to me. wadever. fine.

im wondering: do i have a life at all?!

everyday juz wake up, go sch, go for lessons, go home, blog, chat, do homework, feed hamsters, sleep. yupp.

haiz. is this wad life is all abt?? competition in school?? compare higher chi with jun han, english, lit and history with anirudd and matthew, compare science with jon chen and k kum, try to win gabriel and jon chen in 2.4?? is that life??

and elian and wesley and zhi xiong???

stressed. u get stepped on everytime u lose in a test competition. looked down. teased. why.

but somehow through all this u find ur real frens. like those who help u along the way, accompany u. even girls. yes. these are the pple who brighten up my day. i can name u 5 off my fingertips right now. jacqueline, zhi xiong, sze jie, shen yang, and well. honeybaked?? haha. thats my hamster's name. anyway 1 died few days ago. pep&spice. oso explains my depression. it got heat stroke. oh well. i still have honeybaked and honeyroasted. =
haiz. time to do homework. again.

- Jay

2nd... and 3rd fiddle. humph.

2005-03-07T16:02:00.001-08:00

walau walau walau.

DEPRESSED.

Lit- 2nd in class. lost to anirudd. fine i accept defeat
Eng- 3rd in class. lost to jon chen and k kum. NOOOOO!!!!! crap lah. must work harder next time... hmm.
Higher Chinese- 1st/2nd in class. lost to jun han by 0.25 marks. spastic. anyway not counting decimals i tie him at top of class. (tie him at top? sounds interesting in practical... lol)
Biology- 2nd in class. lost to zhi xiong by 1 mark!!! arrgh!!!!!

how i hate myself man. why cant i ever get top?? why am i always below others by juz a little bit?! like... so irritating man.

today ting xie sucks. nvr learn.

science presentation was super. though my grp lost the script, mr chan was impressed by our effort. we made our .exe with flash included... but 1/2way through cannot go back... boo. hard work wasted. but thank God got PowerPoint. =p

later in PSE was praised in front of whole sec2 cohort... lol.

oh well. pple change. i slacked. become 'show-off'. not gd.

aaron became... well. easily irritated?? guess he was tired of pple picking on him.

jun han. haiz. violent guy. anyhow slam poor elian. show-off lor. 0.25 pts win me chi oso wanna hao lian.... lol. actually if it was me i oso will. =p paiseh i very show-off. ego mah.

elian. pple say he suck up to teachers. ok lah. very dilligent wad. gd boy. too bad the good die young. well. i know i'll have a long life. hahaha.... evil evil.

jon chen. smart. how to say. but slack a bit too. haha. think too much abt yulica la... see whether u slack.

the rest next time say... lol.

and no, jonathan. i did not have jacqueline as motivation to run 12:49 for 2.4 run...
lol. u so fast, bet u had yulica as motivaton... lol.

- Jay

Join da Revolution!!!

2005-03-05T15:13:00.000-08:00

yess. revamp. recreate. re-volute.

k. this blog is getting more and more errors as i add more things.

though i dun bear to part with this.... i will. lol.

and my life will change too. i'll treasure others more. make more friends. study harder.

camp. npcc utc. oh well. take it in stride. =)

- Jay
short cause im very sian abt my blog being so... well.

Breaking the Barrier

2005-03-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

yes!!! a new record!!!

remember when i 1st passed 2.4 km run.... got 13:49... was so happy.

then i broke it few weeks ago with a personal achievement of 13:22.... hahaha.

today. marks another great moment in history. 12:49. ole ole. i finally broke into the 12 min record. hahah. i will continue to work hard. halim. i will run as fast as u one day. maybe. juz maybe.

depressed. 3 more projects to go. 2 more tests. 1 unit training camp. =(

no time, pple. i probably wont post as often or as long anymore. haiz.

- Jay

Great is God's Love

2005-03-02T17:20:00.000-08:00

yayy. so happy.

thought i would fail bio paper. lol.

things in sji can get really competitive. or issit juz me? hmm. when anirudd got his bio score of 39 i think... i prayed very hard that i would beat him. and matthew too. lol. who ask him... so gd in lit. rival me. humph. lol.

anyway matt got 34 or 32 or sth. i was praying sooo hard to God. my prayers were answered. 41!!!! yess!!!! though i lost to zhi xiong, 1st in class at 42. hmm. nvm. i am content. haha. praise the Lord!

before that was lit. return The New Boy poem text-based. hoped i would get 10/10 like the last poem text-based First Day At School. lol. i oso prayed very hard. then, yes!!!! first in class at 21/25!!! ole ole.... ~ soccer song the class sang when ms richards din come today. lol. so happy.

but cannot let guard down. tmr is geog test. oh well. so prayer does work wonders... hmm. Ora et Labora. Pray and Work. how true. (n_n)

kk gtg study. gd luck to all reading this!!! or... wait. theres not such thing as luck. its all God's blessings to u. treasure them, and thank God for them!! (^_^)

- Jay

NO TIME!!!!

2005-02-28T19:09:00.000-08:00

tmr is bio common test. so i'll not tok too much.

this morn i was stuck with 5 things.
1. dragonboat
2. dragonboat prefect duty
3. debate club
4. some crappy taf club thing -- hey im out liao k? nvr update records. =/
5. RME interview

announcements say no taf club so i slack. then i found out debate cancelled... lol. then i heck the RME thing... everyone oso nvr do. (-_-)"'

so left the dragonboat. din know go which.

in the end go duty. slack. take care of wallets & hps. slack slack.

then of all days it rained like crazy. everyone rushed to the one and only shelter-the pavillion.

the whole of 4 houses tried squeezing. everyone was soaked. really. gd thing we werent girls, cause our tops were so soaked u could make out abs and all.

but we did scream like girls. lol. the rain was very very VERY strong. upturned the umbrellas and chilled us to the bone. the rain was oso pelting like mad. we-- even the prefects and npcc seniors all were screaming like... well. worse than anything. lol.

so sian... still got lotsa stuff. anything else i blog tmr... lol.

- Jay

[ Solitaire ]

2005-02-27T16:23:00.000-08:00

my belt!!! no!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-02-26T23:47:00.000-08:00

sob sniff. my npcc belt's ruined. no!!!!

rmb last fri when it rained?? it drenched my LEATHER BELT.... and fungi grew all over it like some weirdo bio experiment gone wrong via daniel bok....

oh well. cleaned off the gross stuff. hope it still is 'wearable'... thank God my boots are unharmed...

npcc day practice was a total disgrace. i forgot to bring the full u. oh man. i mean i forgot mr aaron goh telling the selected cadets to bring... hey cant blame me. the notice board said "All cadets NEED NOT BRING THE FULL U". (-_-)"' what the crap.

anyway, i was screwed by ronald, jonston (CIs!!!) and the other NCOs. die lah. in the end go in sch u. go Police Academy then whole sch paiseh. everyone wear full u sji pple wear half u. hwa chong inst oso like not informed... wadever. so i sat on e bench while others marched. like so disgracing the sch. haiz.

those who nvr bring were screwed by the police acad pple. they all got some attitude problem, esp the indian commanding officer. he was like scolding the all-girl contingent for not holding their rifles properly... wad the. they are GIRLS after all. he shouldnt have been so harsh on them. and he kept scolding the sji-chi high contingent for not turning at the corner properly. we were the first lor. no guide or anything. somemore 1st trial/simulation. how were they supposed to know?? bet u pple were cursing and swearing at him when he said "semula". in the end the whole affair turned out super crappy.

hmm. i should improve on my listening skills. yes. dun always blame others. i was in the wrong. i dun deserve to be in sjinpcc if i dun improve. this parade is special to sjinpcc because we're finally getting the coveted Silver Cane.

btw. why is everyone asking abt jacqueline??? ok she's my friend. wad?! my girlfriend??? wadever. if u wanna take her for my girlfriend so be it. stop harassing her shes just a friend. that means, u gals out there, im still single and up for grabs!!! lol. ok ok. no jokes now. shes just a better than normal friend, ok? satisfied? ok now u'll all be like 'chey' and stop visting my blog. lol.

- Jay

World Wide Weird

2005-02-24T17:47:00.000-08:00

hahaha... catchy title to induce pple to read. lol.

here i comment on weird boy-girl pairs i've seen.

rg-hwa chong inst
scg-cat high
anderson-acsi
sji-presby high
nygh-ri
sji-ri (GAY!!) lol.

hahaha. sorry but they look weird together. lol.

btw i overheard the ri and nygh pair toking. they were lamenting abt how they failed their geog, sci and maths tests.

shows tat we're not the only ones!! lol. seriously, i think top schs set their papers too hard. oh well, how else but to accept this cruel fact. i think sji slack too much already though... hahaha.

michael house is lame. we got lame slackers in it. tats why we dun win. the marcian mascot chicken is cute. lol.

kk nothing to blog. school takes ur brain juice away. tats why blog posts, msn converations and fanfics are juz so dull sometimes. u juz cant get the brain-juice out. my fanfic is dead. dun feel like posting for maybe 2 yrs... lol.

- Jay

splash splash glug... glug, bubble.... *

2005-02-22T19:20:00.000-08:00

today's swimming carnival. crappy.

i swam 8 laps. on e last, i kena leg cramp. man... so lame lor. everyone had abt 10 at least. feel so slackerfied.

maybe it sounds girly but.... CHLORINE RUINS HAIR!!! ok ok. my hair feels weird. hmm. lol.

ok i got a lot of hmwk. the fairy tale thing and maths.... sian.

ps: please bear with any crappy coding in my blog. din hav time to optimise the code. and i'll be adding more pics on the popups and changing the existing ones.... if i hav that is... hahaha. girls out there pls send me ur pics... lol. ur blog links look boring without pics... lol.

- Jay

yay Thank You, God!!!

2005-02-21T19:31:00.000-08:00

todays debate went well.... 1st spk was jae andrew, 2nd was xavier tht sec 1 guy, and 3rd speaker was........ ME!!! yay!!!

the 1st and 2nd opp spks were so soft.... i couldnt hear a thing...then my turn to rebutt... i had a few points... but dunno how to organise.... lol.

but then i tried to bring the points as best as i could... but i was quite diappointed in the team cause the opp's points were very gd... somemore marcus was helping them...

in the end, aaron helped me.... vote me as best speaker... lol. so i became Best Speaker of the debate... yay!!

so proposit, my side, WON!!! we got 208 pts. they got 205. whew.

anyway i was supposed to tie with Marcus for BST SPKR... but he tok too fast leh...

at first i thought my team would lose and marcus would become bst spkr....

never knew things would turn out for my side... lol.

- Jay

bullying the innocent little girls... ...

2005-02-18T12:07:00.000-08:00

yesterday was ok...

maths test: die liao.
pe: crappy period. at least nvr do gym. sucky.
lit: yay i got bassanio's char!!! ~ Let me choose, for as I am Ilive upon the rack... ~

aiyah. fridays very sian one.

npcc: all e classes were more or less held back lor. "meet outside hq at 1.55 pm". yeah right. teachers usually hold us back till at least 2.05... then still gotta change to full u then fall in. mr aaron goh very bo song already. it was abt 2.25 when we got on the bus. he says we're gonna get screwed later. wadever. we're used to push-ups.

so we reached road safety park. after the briefing, i lost my way... so paiseh. finally found my post at the zebra crossing. hahaha. group of little girls abt p3/4 came long.

"ohhh!!! never do kerb drill!! pushing one another!! running on pathway!!! come give me your cards."

hahahahahahaha.... so evil. the poor girls like so sad liddat. those peeps out there with bad memories of these incidents, its because of pple like us. lol.

it was fun, overall. in e bus we had coke. nth much. because we had coke, aaron goh couldn't pump us. yay!!!!

then change. then go home. i slacked a bit. then i got SO tired i fell asleep. ole.

- Jay
bet i bored everyone out.

booring. lousy life.

2005-02-17T21:32:00.000-08:00

maths test tmr. juz polished boots. crap im screwed. seriously. got lots of stuff to blog but no time... wait until tmr...

found tat cun zai isnt my taste... so i changed e music to you yuan hui. happy happy song!!! (n_n) haha. trying to cheer myself up... crappy. lol. this is spastic.

qn: am i a poser?? lol. mind-bogglin', eh?

hahaha. awww... gtg study for test... lamerfied.

- Jay

road safety marshal @ road safety park??? lol i'll probably book all e innocent pri sch kids. im so evil. bwahahahahaha.... [darth vader laughter]

gone case.

2005-02-16T20:08:00.000-08:00

| |
<--- ashwin
---> sec3/4
|x||

walau. im gonna get sacked. e bottom left | is the 204 bench. x is me. bench on my right is occupied by prefects.

see right, there was this sec3/4 guy with some oily plate running and ashwin frm npcc running the other way. then suay suay i walk along e bench, wanting to cross. then the senior guy somehow dropped the plate. the lousy 204 pple behind me kept chanting: "jay jay oh hor..." blahblahblah. what the crap!!! i din do anything lor. then e whole sch i repeat WHOLE SCHOOL in e canteen looking (lunchtime 2.05pm)... again suay suay beside the bench is the whole prefect exco and senior prefects... crap lor. then the sec 3/4 guy mumbled sth and walked off... bloody crap. then the prefects ask him to come back and clear but he juz stormed off. then ashwin see liao oso walk off. left who?? me myself and jay. yup. so who clear?? not obvious enough issit??

then the prefects all muttering among themselves. 204 went like: "jay... ohh... why u knock into others???" WHAT THE BLOODY CRAP?! i din even touch the guy; ashwin did. and ignatius the prefect went:"i dun care which f***** did it... that f***** clears it up" etc etc... whos left at the scene when those 2 are leaving?? me. crap lor.

life's unfair. we all gotta get used to it...

- Jay

malu... paiseh... oops.

2005-02-14T22:13:00.000-08:00

prefect duty was really screwed. totally.

i found e bloody classroom. then i put my bag dwn. i remembered i was supposed to take a box or file or sth... but the prefect at e camp din say how lor. so i anyhow ask prefects around... joshua, martin... then found a senior prefect whos very gd... but dunno his name lol. i actually called mr chan liao... he said "ok coming..."

so i waited outside for 10min.... wait. wait. ask prefects arnd. ... then tat prefect tell me to go straight in... what the lor. so paiseh. i really messed up. haha learning experience.

then i took the box. 1 of 2. the senior prefct say take 1 enuff. so i very relieved lock up, almost going to f3-b6. then my 306 partner julius saw me. then we go up...

blahblahblah... then he suddenly tell me: "eh? wheres the other box? did u take it??"
me: "... ..."
jul: "u go & take or i go?"
[silence for 3 sec. very the awkward.]
i din wanna go again mah... like so paiseh already.
me: ok lah i go. [wadever lor.]

then i called mr chan AGAIN. mistake no. 3. he said:"next time come straight in."
before i left f3-b6 i asked julius "need to call or not?" he said yes. bully juniors... humph. lol. so i made a fool outa myself again. brought 2nd box to clsrm. finally.

haiz. so sian lor. valentines day some more. walau. ok. alls well ends well... except the geog map skills im doing now. lol. ok im crappy. hyper spastic.

- Jay

im hit! im hit!! going down!!!

2005-02-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

it all depends how it hits u. what in the name of Yoda Speak am i toking abt??

da lurve bug, peeps. love.

some pple are hit by the cannon or shotgun of the love bug. hits em right on, and they fall in love with the first opp gender they see... love at first sight. lol.

while some others are hit stealthily. sniper/assasin strikes. u never know what hit u. subconsciously, u fall in love with someone... hmm. interesting. u somehow feel a certain attraction to tat person.... infatuated.... lol. ok ok.

as for me.... i think i've been hit by the love bug... but im rather immune. lol. remember mr chan's bio lessons abt phagocytes and all?? lol. maybe i am infected... i feel not well. [quote: merchant of venice, shylock]. lol. hahaha. why am i 'loling' so much today?? lol. hahaha. alright.

so. whos da lucky one im gonna infect?? [evil grin, mysterious twinge] must jie jing ni, ren shi ni, mo qing ni de di.... [quote: xiao hai bu ben] hahahahaha. i must learn self-control. discipline is the way of the jedi. yes, master yoda. [stifle laughter]

so. spread warmth and love this weekend. share with frens, spend time with family etc... haha more like go date some 'cute guy' or 'chio gal'. lol. juz... dun spread fires, dun get drunk, and never never NEVER have premarital sex.

happy weekend!! (n_n)

- Jay

[ Accidentally In Love ]

2005-02-11T23:06:00.000-08:00

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love (x7)

Accidentally

I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally (X 2)

Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love

- Jay
~ im in love... ~ lol.

($_$) heheh... angpow....

2005-02-10T13:31:00.000-08:00

money money moneyyy. [the apprentice song]

cash. hahaha. ok nvm.

gotten over the depression. but im still overloaded with hmwk. haiz.

anyone know the consequences of ceasing of rock cycle?? man. geog is crappy.

anyway, pple who wished me happy cny, thank u!! (n_n) hmm.

lets see e schedule.

feb 14- valentines day/detention duty
feb 20- yuling's bdae

ok lah. who wants lolipops on valentines day?? hahaha. last time i bought/ate 1 was... pri 3?? lol. miss sucking on em. hahahahaha. ok ok. i guess i'll send u all nice smses or emails or cards or sth. while doing detention duty... hahaha. prefects rawkk.

- Jay

so peeps. enjoy cny with ur family & friends!!

Depression. Boredom. Stress. Slack.

2005-02-09T04:09:00.000-08:00

sigh. 4am in the morning on chi new yr... count it as chi new yr eve nite if u want.

billion things to say. summary: im depressed.

i dun feel appreciated. what do i do all these for. what huh.

i feel like dropping everything. when life hands u a lemon, make lemonade. no way. more like when life throws u a lemon, u throw it back harder. reactive, not proactive. maybe its better to be an animal after all. no thoughts and stress.

wanna be a hamster. why dun i trade places with honeybaked?? [honeybaked ham-mie... name of hamster.] this way i'll feel better. i hope.

i dont have any real friends. maybe about 5. just maybe. if im lucky. lonely and left out. like a piece of bread left overnight to dry out by the next day. excellent description, well pronounced. but they would be better if not followed. [notice im changing lines frm merchant of venice??]

sigh. im grateful for the handful of friends i have. friends != number of contacts in ur friendster/hi5 account. i had 'friends' who backstabbed me before. a perfect example of "et tu brutei??". excellent. i guess i lack social skills. i guess pple 'befriend' me cause i crack lame jokes. lol.

man. i cant bear to continue. for those peeps out there reading this and think u r my friend, congratulate urself. i appreciate my real friends and i wanna dedicate this poem to u all:

What You Mean To Me…

by Nikkie

You turned my darkness into light;
You made everything all right.
You picked me up when I was down;
You turned my life around.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
A blessing is what you are to me.

When I needed you the most, you were there;
Even if it seemed like you didn't care.
When I didn't think I could make it another day,
You chased all my doubts away.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
A treasure is what you are to me.

The world is full of many people, it's true;
But there is only one of you.
You fill my heart with love;
You're a God-sent gift from above.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
An angel is what you are to me.

Lost and alone, I will no longer be;
Because you are here with me.
There is no reason to be sad;
You've taken away all the bad.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
A best friend is what you are to me!!

- Jay

debating... "You dont have that debating edge... ..."

2005-02-07T22:46:00.000-08:00

yaya.

right. maybe im juz not that cut out for debate... at least i made it past the 1st round... better read my sis's old debate notes...

haha.

tomorrow's chi new yr eve. can play till 4++am. shou shui. lol. excuses are but a kind of zi qi qi ren practice. not gd for emotional health & development. lol.

yay i love advance wars. its an old game... but. nvm. i juz love tactical games. im waiting for cash to buy sims2. and when the new star wars rts game's out. i love star wars. gonna watch ep3 when it opens in may this yr. game sells 5th may. 055 05 05. cool.

slack. wait. cannot. got si han. letter to chen hui ting. haiz. hui ting arh. spare me can??

if only ms richards din teach us... wait. if we werent ms richards's pupils. sigh. takes 2 hands to clap. our class sucks man. im depressed. and tat michael house tcher. sigh. sth wrong with him and we cant blame it on pms. lol.

- Jay

aaron goh din kill me!! maybe not yet...

[ This Love ]

2005-02-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken it's toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken it's toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

- Jay
some friendships, if sustained, will bring more hurt to both parties than joy.

HomeWorko-phobia

2005-02-04T23:44:00.000-08:00

arrgh.

sick. overloaded with homework. stress.

many things out there we'll never understand.

let's juz focus on those tat are good.

like love, joy, forgiveness etc etc.

lets all be a better person today. and stop procrastinating homework. haiz.

- Jay

sian... arrgh.

ill.... arrgh.

2005-02-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

haiz. din go sch today. sick. bleah.

crappy lor. missed the lit text-based test. is tat gd or bad? hmmn. bad la.

feel like puking. literally. today feels... wasted. last night i polished my boots until so nice and shiny and polished my buttons & badges until like 8 something. too tired so i slept. woke up at 12.30 am.

its like... if something troubles u or sth important u juz gotta do, u'll wake up in time.

i used to want to watch some lame cartoons when i was abt pri4 on sat morns. but i kept oversleeping until the last ep. before i slept on fri night i was like telling myself i have to wake up in time. it worked, somehow.

yar back to last night. havent do maths. so i burned midnight oil. did until 2-3 am, incl pack npcc stuff, backup crime prevention proj, prepare sch uniform etc. walau.

woke up at 5.50. SO LATE!! and i was like so tired and i got diarrhoea... my whole digestive track kinda had to juz turn against me at tat crucial moment. my whole system scrunched up and then after that i drank water while tying shoelace.

then i felt like puking. like da waste/food poison din go out through the bottom so it comes out through the top.

i stayed in the toilet for abt 10-15 min... by then its abt 6.30. felt so sick.

then my mucus kept coming out. it seemed like it would flow forever. i had it.

my body really malfunctioned today. am i boring or grosing u all out? hahaha... hah hachew. sniff, sniff... blocked nose. sheesh.

- Jay

bet mr aaron goh will screw me for not attending npcc workplan... im SO DEAD.

a better person...

2005-02-03T16:27:00.000-08:00

i can improve. so can the class.

i shall start being even nicer to pple.

chi dao feng got my compo. timothy yeo and po xian too. lol. yay.

- Jay

still stuck in recess classroom shift 2. boring.

Unappreciated. Disrespected. Insubordinate.

2005-02-01T15:43:00.000-08:00

this unruly and rebellious attitude of 204 has to stop.

what. u think i like complaining about my own class? what a reputation we have. infamous, i say. notorious, in fact.

can't we all just study happily in class? wing keong, especially. stop ruining history and higher chinese lessons for us.

and all the rest. please. u know u are making a lot a lot of noise?? during recess IN CLASS. and it just so happened that im on recess classroom duty.

its my job to ensure safety of belongings and keep the classes quiet. guys, dun u know the sec3s and 4s are trying to study?!?! as much as i hated them, they paid a good $150 to study. so u better give them a conducive environment.

i shout at u all for ur own good. now i finally feel a bit of what Jesus felt. He died on the cross for our sins. whose sins? OUR SINS. and the romans tortured Him mercilessly. it just wasn't fair. why would holy Jesus die on the cross so painfully?

OUR SINS. He died so the bunch of us imbecile ingrates can go to Heaven. and what did he do wrong? what?? NOTHING. hellooo. He died on the cross for all us sinners to go to Heaven. and the romans (us) still torture him. that's not all. did He complain? well? NO. He said "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." in Luke 23:34. no, Jesus did not hate us and all. He could have called thousands of angels and smite earth. but Jesus did not. though the Son of God, He obeyed God the Father, who loves us. all of us.

so u see? im here to save u all from the wrath of mr chan. what do i get? i get teased, taunted, shoved around, left out etc. fine. i could have summoned mr sydney tan. did i? no. Jesus was merciful and forgiving. i shall be a good Christian and follow. i believe God will carry me through and i will help improve the class.

- Jay (preach)

Rise of China

2005-01-31T18:50:00.000-08:00

da chinese will rule 1 day. maybe george bush's descendants will hav to learn chinese...

so much chinese hmwk. sian. im getting boring. everyday tok abt hmwk. so not fun.

i think i used to have a gd sense of humour. now its killed by homework. sigh. its not gonna be easy to bring him back.... haiz.

depressing. tests, hmwk. crappy.

im lame. not in the humourous sense though. juz plain pure lame.

am i boring?? im a nerd. no correction. geek. tell me if im booring. i need to improve. haha. still lame. haiz.

- Jay

Mundane.... Sian~

2005-01-30T19:40:00.000-08:00

homework kills the joy of school. wad can i say...

im loaded with hmwk. everyone is. from acsi to zhonghua... who isn't.

haiz. dunno wad to write. everyone's so sian.

lol. short post.

- Jay

Stumbling down Memory Lane

2005-01-29T15:45:00.000-08:00

haiz. so sian. tons of homework. all the crushing pressure. uggh. how i wish i could restart my whole life. undo all the bad stuff i ever said or done, make sure my stuff i lost wont happen again etc.

how i wish i was back where i started...

nursery-k2... the green bean soup, nap sessions, play time, power rangers...

ang mo kio primary... friendly competition between charlene for Best in English badge, my friends etc etc.

northland primary... oh.... the best times of my life. though the maths lvl 3 worksheets were a little tough, i think that northland was rather carefree. all my good friends... si chuan, kenny, samuel, dexter, victor, xiao tian, edward, mok.... and the girls... alice, amanda, vicki, mingyue, yi tyng, si yun, yuling, samantha, yan yee, felicia, eri, stella, esther... erm... the list goes on. thanks everyone for making my life so memorable there. hong lao shi, xu lao shi, huang lao shi, thanks for helping my chinese. ms leong, mdm angrini, mrs prem, mrs teo, thanks for teaching and guiding me during my time there.

sji. bleah. lol. no lah. when i graduate, i'll probably remember mr chan's jokes, ms richards's scolding and mr teo screaming "no effort!!"

and my ncos pumping me... mr aaron goh and his attendance list... ronald loh... alvin the squirrel, pillow franklin... etc etc.

i'll probably appreciate the ex 8c and 5a i dunno how to do... long way later in my life.... lol. i may curse and swear (but i wont) about it now, but in future i'll appreciate it.

so... everyone. try to do everything right. u never know when u'll reflect and regret in future.

- Jay

Outsmart. Outlive. Outlast. Survivor SJI.

2005-01-28T21:02:00.000-08:00

Outsmart.

to outsmart, you have to start right. u must hav the genes tat make u intelligent. and straight. not like jon chen... he's smart. but gay too... lol. so u must be smart and straight.

u must be able to be flexible in thinking. create shortcuts and go the easy ways. be very smart, so teacher will like u.

not smart also must act smart. haha. like hao yi. "temperature, temperature!!"

Outlive.

well. the number of injuries in sji in increasing steadily... pple break fingers, arms, legs wadever. tat guy few days ago hit his head real bad... his blood all over in front of admin office... tsk tsk.

must try to stay alive in this harsh and hostile environment. if not, cya in heaven or hell... of course im going heaven. wad do u mean u dun think so?!?! lol. sji is dangerous. perils lie at every corner... beware e steps especially. gotta stay alive.

Outlast.

at everything, u gotta outlast. in this harsh and unrelenting sch, u gotta give ur best without being screwed. be gd at sports ( btw i broke my personal best time yesterday: 13:22... lol), be a leader (prefect or psl) and gd at cca and hmwk.

only the best can tolerate such high demands.

u think u r up to the challenge? got the guts to try? ok. come on. join sji.

- Jay

Da Goode, de Badd and dEr Oogly....

2005-01-25T20:44:00.000-08:00

k... let me relate to u some bits of me life...

Goode- k... wen lao shi got this si han (letter) exchange between zhonghua sec and sji... so we drew lots... and i got a girl... chen hui ting.... hmmn. a girl. so i wrote a letter in my nicest handwriting [oso not too gd in gal stds... lol]...

then her reply- wow. nice letter. with stickers an' all... must have put a lot of effort in it... after all, according to mrs seah, gals can multi-task... guys can't. sad. must write a nicer letter to her in future... lol.

then there's the scgs gal... jacqueline was it? lol. thanks for tagging. check out e 6ab class blog too... 6ab blog... jay chou rawkks!! lol. thanks for tagging!

Badd- no one respects prefects on morn canteen duty no more... man. why do they do this?? haiz. sec3s and 4s got tat "i will never listen to a sec2 prefect... if i do i will diu lian (lose face)...." attitude. stupid lor. see previous posts for more details... dun wanna get all fired up again after i've cooled dwn. humph.

Oogly- erm.... well.... maybe i shouldn't care so much abt others and be k.p.o. but it evokes a strong emotion inside me. u see, there was tis ah lian... she was like.... well. wearing this super short white skirt... all e old guys were like trying to peek underneath.... i was like erm.... her boyfriend din seem to care.

tis is a moral issue that we should address. gals. pls. dun dress so cheaply. its a turn off to guys too. thanks!!

so... da diffelent sides of sosaiety and leality... lol.

- Jay

[ Addicted ]

2005-01-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

I heard you're doin' okay
But I want you to know
I'm addic-
I'm addicted to you

I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I try to make you happy
But you left anyway

I'm tryin' to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
Still addic-
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true

I'd run a thousand miles to get to you
Do you think I deserve this
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to treat you good in every way

I'm tryin' to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting
Till the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

I'm trying to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you

I'm trying to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker

Loaded... Not Cash but Homework

2005-01-23T23:57:00.000-08:00

sigh. so much homework. sian. and my msn messenger fouled up. darn. or maybe its juz the msn server... lol.

so many pple know e gal tat i like.... yet i haven't told her personally.

if i tell her then she will like wait for me. if i never spend time with her, she will feel hurt & depressed. if i dun say then she will be sad cause i dun wanna commit. haiz.

so much hmwk.... so late.

i guess i shall juz go pack my bag and forget everything lah.

maybe i'll dedicate a song to her...

- Jay (haiz)

Example For The Juniors

2005-01-18T16:45:00.000-08:00

well...............

guitar class.... erm. k. im bad at music. wad can i say. music is not my forte. but i like music. haiz. i like sth im not gd at. how troubling.

rme- life options. hmmn. ive had my life planned out. lets see.

sec2- get into triple sci. + become senior prefect
sec4- get gd results == go rj or hcjc
end of jc- scholarship for U
end of ns- get into police career + get girlfriend... lol.
abt 25- quit police. go into computer sci/web design/ad designer
in between (27?)- MARRY!! lol.
abt 35- quit. join teaching. go teach nps or sji. dun like jc. hmmn. anything lah...
abt 40++- go preach God's Word.
retirement age- aiyah. retire lah! wad else for an old dude to do??

hmmn. nice life.

k lah. nth much to say. go read horrible science. lol. cause i finished all the michael crichton bks. after tht i'll go borrow the robert ludlum series. lol.

PREFECT POWER. tsk tsk. can be stripped anytime. aaron was threatened by ms richards today... tsk tsk. i gotta take care o myself.

oh btw. guess wad i heard yesterday during recess?

new lady tcher: the queue so long... how?
mr soo: aiyah. nevermind one. just go cut-queue.....
[blah blah blah...]

walau. can liddat one arh? haiz. the world these days.

tomorrow is parade. for sec1s to see. force em to join. must be at best condition.

- Nerd Jay

im safe... for now

2005-01-17T18:17:00.000-08:00

k... so everyone around has been spammed... except me... maybe cause my bloggie's dead... lol.

no point removing links. it wont work.

k. so im 97% back to normal. my "tsunami rage" is finally over. but watch out for aftershocks... lol.

my musics finally back on... stupid geocities server. getting my own soon. lol.

k. still got some hmwk. gtg. cya.

[ I Dream ]

2005-01-17T17:25:00.000-08:00

In my mind
I can climb
All the mountains that surround me
My spirit's there, where eagles dare to fly

In my heart
There's a spark
That can light the world around me
An open door, where I am sure dreams are

Doesn't matter if I win
Or the colour of my skin
Cause this race is all about
Believing in yourself

And I dream
I can run
Like the wind
And be strong
When my heart just wants to give in
I dream, I can be
The hero that's in me
When I dream, I dream

There's a time, In your life
When the odds are so against you
There's no defeat if all you keep is pride
First or last, Slow or fast
There's a dignity that makes you
Keep driving on, when world's have come apart

Doesn't matter rich or poor
Or the things you've done before
Cause the race is all about
Believing in yourself

And I dream
I can run
Like the wind
And be strong
When my heart just wants to give in
I dream, I can be
The hero that's in me
I dream

I dream!
Of the moment
That forever will be golden
When the torch is passed
Only dreams will last
That are shared by everyone

I dream
I can run
Like the wind
And be strong
When my heart just wants to give in
I dream, I can be
The hero that's in me
When I dream, I dream

** taufik... i'm so sorry. please dun sue me for putting ur song... **

CIP-- Apex Flag Day

2005-01-15T16:30:00.000-08:00

k... yesterday was training.... crappy and long... aaron goh said: by 5pm u all should be dismissed..... .....

in the end we dissmiss @ 6.20... crap right? haiz.

today is flag day... quite sian. i got most $ compared to jun han and dennis... or so i think... lol. the only thing i wanna highlight is that queenstown gal. shes so gd to us sji pple... she donated 0.20 to my can, but i only had 0.15... so i gave all to her... should have given more... haiz. nvm.

nothing much to say... except that my wrath has cooled a bit... but not to a dormant state. any agitation and i'll explode again... so dun think u can make use of me... yet.

i know my own gd nature. i always help others and let them take a little advantage of me. but when things go too far, well... my dark side will be unleashed and u dun want that.

u all must be thinking, "how angry can jay get? hes so guai." or sth liddat. but i get pissed off too. really. as much as i try not to, i will get angry. not just annoyed. im too gd to pple. tats why im always on the losing end.

now i give u all a chance. sec 3s and 4s. u wanna screw my life of a prefect through canteen duty, i'll screw ur entire life. im serious. i dun joke abt such matters.

however, nps pple are such nice pple. so i probably wont get angry at u all.

in my whole life i have never been SO pissed by schoolmates, or anyone at that matter. sec3s and 4s. watch out.

arrgh.

- Jay [CALM IS GOOD]

[ Welcome To My Life ]

2005-01-13T19:32:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like breaking down?

Do you ever feel out of place?

Like somehow you just don’t belong

And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?

Do you lock yourself in your room?

With the radio on turned up so loud

That no one hears you screaming
No you don’t know what it’s like

When nothing feels alright

You don’t know what it’s like to be like me
To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked

When you’re down

To feel like you’ve been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

When no one’s there to save you

No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?

Are you sick of feeling so left out?

Are you desperate to find something more

Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?

Are you sick of everyone around?

With the big fake smiles and stupid lies

But deep inside you’re bleeding
No you don’t know what it’s like

When nothing feels alright

You don’t know what it’s like to be like me
To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked

When you’re down

To feel like you’ve been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

When no one’s there to save you

No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lies straight to your face

And no one ever stabbed you in the back

You might think I’m happy

But I’m not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted

You never had to work it was always there

You don’t know what it’s like

What it’s like
To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked

When you’re down

To feel like you’ve been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

When no one’s there to save you

No you don’t know what it’s like
To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked

When you’re down

To feel like you’ve been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

When no one’s there to save you

No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Depressed.... Isn't Everyone?

2005-01-13T03:24:00.000-08:00

my life sucks. really. read the lyrics in the previous post and u'll know.

i try to be nice. and what do i get? pple laugh at me, not my jokes. pple put the blame on me for everything. pple look down on me. pple scorn and insult me. pple backstab me. pple betray me. pple expect too much of me. pple make me the scrapegoat for everything. pple make use of me. pple dun respect me. pple hit me. pple hurt me. pple shove me. pple take advantage of me.

is it fair? the world shows no mercy, gives no pity. u gotta depend on urself and God.

do u think being a prefect is nice and easy? think again. do u think everyone will listen to u and respect u? no. desperate times call for extreme measures.

i will no longer suffer in silence. if u have incurred my wrath, prepare for the full brunt of my fury.

i know friends, and i know who will forsake me in times of danger. yes, i can tell.

watch out. everyone. arrgh.

- Darth Jay

The Elders' Defiance... My Raging Wrath.

2005-01-11T20:43:00.000-08:00

i totally hate those sec3/4s at the 2 front benches. u gotta loathe them.

being a prefect ain't that easy. u gotta put up with blur juniors and classmates who disobey ur orders. WORST OF ALL. the seniors. the DEFIANT SENIORS.

juniors will guai guai listen to you. levelmates will not listen to you, but some will. its not that bad.

those freaking seniors at the front 2 rows at e vending machines totally suck. THEY SUCK. dump all the cups below the benches. tell them they dun listen. so many sumore. what the bloody freaking f***ing hell. first time im so vulgar. im SO TOTALLY PISSED WITH THEM.

i have decided. let the dark side flow within me. feel the inner rage. the torrents of sheer anger. the dark side. THEY WILL PAY. IT DOES NOT PAY TO BE KIND TO THEM. THEY DESERVE IT. I SHALL BE HARSH WITH THEM. VERY VERY HARSH.

i've had enough. samuel, daniel, kenneth mak, deepankar, john etc etc. all walk so slow after assembly. THEY WILL PAY. THEY WILL LISTEN. THEY WILL OBEY.

deepankar, jun han, dennis, cheng weng, wilson etc etc. make fun of me? enough. enough. my tolerance is way being passed. THE DARK SIDE WILL MAKE THEM PAY. THEY WILL LEARN TO RESPECT AUTHORITY.

arrgh. this is it. im gonna blow. anyone who lays a finger on me will pay. YOU WILL FACE THE WRATH OF JAY.

- Darth Jay

Pressure... Makes Carbon into Coal... loL.

2005-01-11T00:38:00.000-08:00

today was the first slack day of the year. 'cause not much hmwk to do tomorrow. did all my stuff days ago. lol.

today-- hmmn. made up for lost sleep over past few days. sian. slept from 5-9... piggish. haiz. left maths project report and final piece. and 剪?...

reinstalled chinese star. the xp version doesn't work. what the...

k nothing much to say...

except to the lovelorn pple... please. ur lives are ur own. do not waste time pining over pple that might not even like u. get on with life. as i've always said... live well.

i feel weird. dunno why. maybe i'm giving advice when i'm not following. lol.

pressure. pressure might tax u, mentally and physically. through testing u will become a better person. physical fatigue might weigh u down too. but that will only make ur body stronger to cope with the situation. so strive on for God and pray always!!

- Jay

BUSY... Then BORED....

2005-01-08T00:33:00.000-08:00

the first week of school. bleah. sucks. from now on if i've time i'll do weekly or monthly reviews...

1st wk of school:

busy, busy, busy.

didn't bring: report bk, merchant of venice

didn't do: maths project (must hurry finish up liao...)

did well: opening library door for mr lui.

faults: history research- wrong pple, didn't buy PE notebook, didn't do Indices Exercise properly... crap...

personal accomplishment: talked to 'crush' on msn.

overall review:
SUCKS! first week of freakin school and liddat already... what the.... MUST IMPROVE... while jon chen slacks... lol.

still left zhou ji and indices to do... crappy. still waiting for the freakin windows 2000 SP4 patch to finish... after 5 hours still nvr finish... its 12.30pm/am now. wonder when i can SLEEP.

- Jay (stupid patch... [grumble, grumble.])

[ I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing ]

2005-01-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing

this song is dedicated to that one special girl in my life. for privacy reasons... so that she doesn't get teased. lol. haven't seen her for some time, though...

- Jay

Dread the Homework... Hail Relaxation

2005-01-06T16:42:00.000-08:00

arrgh... hmmn. more like: "ARRGH!!!! OWWW!!!! AHHHH! IT HURTS!!!!"

wore new cheapo BATA shoes today for PE. sucks. i miss my old Checkers sports shoe... but spoil liao. then today freaking 2.4km run. i was trying my best and i got a crappy 14.04... what the. can't beat my all time 13.43 record... and my feet are like blistering. (-_-)#

then today is e start of sec1 orientation camp. clear all freakin files home. HEAVY. stupid. use 204 classroom for wad?!?! now my back's broken and feet rubbed raw. man.

then still got a lot a lot of homework. and i haven't fed hammies for say... 4 days? oops. very sian. tomorrow got training. but not full u so maybe ok. lol.

can't do this, can't do that. i'm depressed. again. haiz.

my feet are aching. i can't go like "hey! my f***ing legs are hurting like !@%%^&^*&^^^!! i dun wanna run already!!" can i? NO. see?

a josephian's a josephian. a prefect's a prefect. a christian's a christian. right. each has restrictions. tough ones, at that. i'm ALL. so i give it my all. but no, its not good enough. nada. so i try to improve myself and give my all again. ok. so its better. now that i'm better, people ask more of me knowing i have achieved a new standard. the cycle goes on. right now, i'm 70% maxed out. i have 30% of improvements before i'm top 10 josephians ever. theres a limit to everything on earth. I AM NOT A PERFECT PERSON.

too many responsibilities. too little time. too few encouragements. too TIRED.

right. i gotta start work on hmwk before i'm really really dead. and get my shoes polished.

ps: i'm glad higher chinese tcher isn't boring Wang Wen anymore... its the Wen Lao Shi from chi lang society...

- Jay (sian)

The Year Drags On... ...

2005-01-05T23:06:00.000-08:00

haiz. left with maths project and lit research. sian.

why mrs jey give the shakespeare biography research so diff to do.... k. its not her fault. its the crappy eng/lit dept. the websites like dun give much info... haiz.

this friday got npcc training. SIANz.... nvr polish boots a lot... lol.

today i juz bought e learning log-bk. asked zhi xiong help me buy during recess...
no time to write the lit stuff... gotta stand up. jon chen oso. he slack liao... lol.

k. quite tired. so its a short post... (n_n)

- Jay (yawn...)

New Year, New Dreads???

2005-01-03T23:20:00.000-08:00

new year, eh? great. wat can i say... hmmn.

lets start with the morning. i came to school, see the kiddos with socks pulled high high, hair combed back etc. go morning canteen duty. BORING. but slack. so ok. (n_n)
everyone comparing homework... haha.

then go class. new diary, forms wadever. then i remembered. "crap. forgot to bring report book. how?" then i see jon chen oso nvr bring. then still ok, 'cause guai kia ex-chairman never bring oso, ms richards not so angry. lol.

then all the boring stuff in between. blah, blah.

mr chan teaching bio. so funny. the sec 2 bio syllabus really cannot let him teach... u all know why. haha. then physics is some mr chen who was at last yr's SPA. chem... dunno. dun care. lol.

but its a very stressful yr, tho everyone's fooling around and toking abt lame stuff. ranging from gals (xuanyi & wilson)to football (a lot of pple) to maplestory and gunbound and wad have u. neopets? (n_n)

then gabriel become chairman. tht guy. haiz. band does things to u. jon chen 'bu she de' to leave the post.

yup. this year is gonna get tough. tuff. lol. hate ACE Camp. fake an injury or sth. juz joking. haiz. gonna pull sum juniors to npcc. lol.

- Jay

Only the Strong Rise To New Challenges

2005-01-02T20:50:00.000-08:00

its a whole new year. man... hols are never enough. u just finished ur FYEs (or EOYs as rg pple like to say... lol) and u enjoy for a while. and then the new year comes and u gotta slog slog SLOG again. vicious cycle. tsk tsk.

today i got baptised. cool. I'M A MEMBER OF SBBC!!! k. today got new blood in church. kiddos. n00bs, in online slang. (arrgh... ASP & SVG books overdue!!) lucky PHP, mySQL and CGI still can... lol.

its a whole new challenge at hand. tell u my agenda:

- be godly (please God)
- be teacher's pet (hammie... lol.)
- STUDY (wanna get pure sciences)
- be good (wanna get promoted to Senior Prefect)
- learn scripts (PHP, ASP, VBScript, mySQL, Java 2 etc)
- make nice blogskins (amanda... i know... class blog...)
- be fit (arrgh. can't i do a single crappy pull-up???)
- be good @ drills (whats that sizing drill again?)
- have music talent (sniff... sob... dun have)

btw... its a small world out there, so be nice to everyone.
i saw a link on amanda's blog... and guess wad. it led to rowena's blog...
gal from my church... see how the world is interconnected?
haiz.

- Jay (bright future ahead... i hope.)

Jesus's Birthday

2004-12-25T01:44:00.000-08:00

it's the time of year again. Christmas. ole! it's so fun... so exciting... ooh the pressies [as u gals like to say]... the goodies and food [i treated my hamsters to grapes... good life]...

but lets not forget that Christmas is celebrated because Jesus was born, not because of some weirdo in a red suit abducting reindeer on 25 dec to do his dirty work of getting a sack chock full of useless stuff around, only to dump them in every household, hoping it will be discarded and burnt with the stinky stockings they left on the fireplace, the owner hoping that it will be burnt off like in the Sims.

right. was that funny? maybe i just have a weird and cold sense of humour. [leng feng chui guo] sorry. i remember my church pastor saying: "how many kids these days will grow up thinking that Christmas is all about santa claus jumping down chimmneys to deliver presents?"

yup. santa should be jailed and fined. why? i list his crimes below:

enslaving poor elves for free labour

mistreating reindeer

flying around in a sleigh without proper license

flying around without proper lights and signals

invading privacy of homes

attempted housebreak; tried to use sack to contain stolen items

damaging others' stockings by stuffing things inside

no permit to work at north pole

tax, rental & bill evasions

see? he's but an imaginary guy. u dun see pple flying on sleighs do u?

but Christmas is to commemorate Christ's birth. we should always bear that in mind. its not just about all the material stuff, but how much love is given by every one of us on this special day. God gave His only begotten Son Jesus to die for us sinners, which is the ultimate love any one can ever give. so we must give love to others around us and also accept the love from others, especially God's.

keeping that in mind, i end this post.

- Jay

Praise The Lord

2004-12-23T22:26:00.000-08:00

ahhh.... this must be the best Christmas yet... i can finally feel the blessings of God pouring in... ahhh....

for many of you rich kids out there, you all really 'sheng zai fu zhong bu zhi fu'... dunno how to appreciate wad ur parents and God have showered upon u all...

after so long, i finally got my maxonline 3000 broadband connection!! i was praying so hard for this and alas! my prayers were answered... just days after my church camp, when i decided to get baptised. u all rich kids [read: sji] out there take ur internet for granted, 'cause u've never experienced the torment of using a 56kb modem connection. when u wait hours for a 19.65 mb download and only 5 secs are left till completion, everything cuts off and u r like really pissed. REALLY. THIS IS TRUE. it happened to me oh so many times.

there's more. i remember getting my current pc, a 1.8 ghz to replace my old 533 mhz. at that time, i was heartbroken to realise that my microsoft sidewinder gamepad couldn't work. [i got it for my birthday 1 or 2 years back] there was no game port on my new pc, only usb. i remember being "NOOO!!!! IT CAN'T BE!!!" for some time. before deciding to train my mouse and keyboard skills after using gamepad controls for some time. now, for Christmas, i got a new gamepad, better than before, 'cause got vibration. u can just imagine my elation.

but wait. there's even more. [hope i'm not boring u all out...] i was deciding on a flash thumbdrive or gamepad for Christmas, and in the end i got the gamepad 'cause i saw it at the computer store as my crashed 40 gb hard disk was being replaced with the new 80gb one. (n_n) anyway the flash drive there was very expensive so i told dad to get e gamepad. then here comes the good part. when i signed up for e broadband at e starhub roadshow [sylvester!!] they gave out FREE THUMBDRIVES for every maxonline 3000 signups. so i got a 128mb flash drive. YES!!! u can probably picture the lame smile on my face.

then, my 6610 started to fail. hmmn. the lights started flickering and the keypad lost sensitivity. u all must be going: "are u mad?! u call that a blessing??!!"
yup. but my dad was getting a new phone from his starhub plan. so i got it!! haha. its the motorola e398 at $38. comes with a data cable. i remember buying my 6610 at $88 but didn't come with data cable. i practically vomited blood [tu xue] when i saw the data cable's price. $89. so i was glad when i got a new phone [with camera, no less] and data cable... wow.

all happened barely a few days after i decided to get baptised. and all these things i had been praying for all year. wow. God's power is great. He can do anything. so, praise the Lord for all His blessings and wonderful parents [RARE QUOTE]...

so trust in God today. if u are totally depressed or anything, He is the answer.

Merry Christmas, dudes! [and gals too...]

- Jay, overjoyed.

happy... shalala.

2004-12-19T01:10:00.000-08:00

arrgh... TIRED... just came back from church...

ok. sji dudes- ya finished with e maths project thing

yet? i'm still working on it... svg... hahaha.

but its quite far from completion. so i intend to finish

up class and npcc blogskin/css layout within next few

days... ole! then i have to upload the final versions of

the 104 class website which is long over... [i dunno why

i bother]... dun care liao. also must upload my updated

blogskin and put qi li xiang one for other blog...

see, i've been away some time 'cause me a BUSY man. grad

nite, class gathering, church camp... came back from

church camp on friday... never go 6ab bowling.... sad...

sorry... and now got prefects' camp. walau. where to

find time to sit down to do homework??? then bible study

leh?? haiz.

by the way, prefects' camp is 30th dec, in pe attire.

meet at 12.30pm @ LT1. PLEASE TELL ALL PREFECTS U

KNOW!!! Thanks! (n_n)

got new phone- the motorola E398... quite nice!! heheh.

finally got a camera phone. then i finally got my

parents to get e starhub maxonline 3000 broadband...

schooldna movie load so slowly... wait dunno how long...
and suscribe can get free thumbdrive!! i was deciding

between a new gamepad or thumbdrive [my current com

doesnt have game port, only usb. so cannot use.] for

christmas. but gamepad cheaper so get gamepad first. now

suscribe liao get free thumbdrive @ 128mb... cool!

all this good stuff happened just yesterday, when i

decided to get baptised on thursday in camp. but actual

is on 2nd jan. i was like praying so hard for all this

the whole year round... then when i decided to get

baptised, all e good stuff came. trust me. God answers

prayer;trust in Him today. THIS IS A TRUE STORY!!! [see?

i even got new phone for nothing. not birthday, not

christmas. i just got it.] come on. just bow ur head and

close ur eyes. and say it softly or think in ur head

like it was talking. believe u r a sinner and accept

Jesus's gift of salvation.

just pray: God, I know I'm a sinner and I will go to

Hell one day. But Lord, out of your love for all us

sinners on earth, You sent Your only Son, Jesus down to

die for our sins, that we may be able to go to Heaven

and have everlasting life. Thank You Lord for all You

have done for me. Amen.

u can also contact me or go directly to

http://www.sbbc371.org to find out more.<-- [my church]

ok?

- Jay, praising the Lord!

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY

2004-12-03T15:07:00.000-08:00

BOOOORRRRIIINGGG.... it kinda sucks, this feeling. you

wanna get up and do stuff with great gusto and then get

bored and then force yourself to finish the job. dun

fall into this kind of state. everytime u read "Secrets

of the Successful Student" or "I am Gifted, so are You"

books or sth liddat, u get so inspired and all. then u

start doing ur wadever improvements. after a while, u

get bored and u go like "why the f*** did i start all

this crap???". yup. and u get caught up in ur own badly

planned schedules and ur life gets haywire. great, ain't

it? now u hafta slog urself through the mess u created.

not a good feeling. well, i'll take prof edward's

advice: "manage impulsivity". just the words i needed to

hear.

i'm stuck with a load of assignments on hand. websites,

blogs [my sis messed up hers and wants me to fix it],

homework, assessments etc. crap. and i'm still

developing the idea for commonwealth essay. [that piece

of work this year was good, y'know the rg gal whose

story was published?]

now i'm slogging through tons of stuff. kiwi boot polish

in left hand, maths assessments in right, left leg

writing chinese, right leg scripting the bloody code my

sis messed up, pen in mouth scribbling ideas for

commonwealth essay. just great, ain't it? next i'll be

using my navel to write science mcq qns.

u all probably won't see much updates on the blog next

year. it's gonna be a long long LONG loooonnnnggggg year

ahead. time is precious, savour every second. like

sylvester savoured his time on stage... haha. kk gtg.

- Jay, busy busy

[xiao mi feng, weng weng weng...] (n_n)

UPDATES!!!!

2004-12-01T23:50:00.000-08:00

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Sylvester lost!!!! How could he, after my supporting him... (like i very 'wei da') haiz...

he didn't really do the "It's My Life" as i expected... but nvm.... this time though, i think his 'an jing' is a lot better... but he still lost... so sad.... his songs are nice... the "The Reason" was cool too...

enough of s'pore idol... updates on stuff... see my blog? its highly updated too... i added some other features and edited links... especially ur title, yuling!! sorry 'bout that... and also done up other javascript stuff... my music changer will be ready in about 3 days... keep waiting!! (n_n)

sorry i've been busy these days... been doing some homework, practicing [horror of all horrors] MATHS & CHINESE!!!! ARRGH!!!!! sorry, but it's a great challenge to me...

so is taking care of my new hamsters... my sis got it somewhere [i dun bother to find out] as a present. sheesh... dun think the bathing salt thingy works... kk... they're dwarf hammies, grey, about 4 mths [not too sure]... 1 guy, 1 gal... still dunno wad to name them... well, well.

slacking around a bit. playing sims. doing up blog etc. you get the idea. a bit lame but... hmmn. my life's dull. nuthin nobody can do 'bout it.

well, ~it's my life, it's now or never....~

- Jay

[Heal The World]

2004-11-27T22:17:00.000-08:00

Heal The World- Michael Jackson

There’s a place in
Your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could
Be much
Brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try
You’ll find there’s no need
To cry
In this place you’ll feel
There’s no hurt or sorrow

There are ways
To get there
If you care enough
For the living
Make a little space
Make a better place...

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

If you want to know why
There’s a love that
Cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares for
Joyful giving
If we try
We shall see
In this bliss
We cannot feel
Fear or dread
We stop existing and
Start living

Then it feels that always
Love’s enough for
Us growing
So make a better world
Make a better world...

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

And the dream we were
Conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we
Once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep
Strangling life
Wound this earth
Crucify it’s soul
Though it’s plain to see
This world is heavenly
Be god’s glow

We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart
I feel you are all
My brothers
Create a world with
No fear
Together we cry
Happy tears
See the nations turn
Their swords
Into plowshares

We could really get there
If you cared enough
For the living
Make a little space
To make a better place...

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

There are people dying
If you care enough
For the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

You and for me
You and for me
You and for me
You and for me
You and for me
You and for me
You and for me
You and for me
You and for me
You and for me
You and for me

[sji pple: remember that rme lesson?? u can fill in blanks with this...]

Click here for the midi.

My Life

2004-11-27T17:15:00.000-08:00

yo pple... ain't that a nice song??? [see article below] i absolutely love it.... by the way... ed's got a blog... at last...

the eduardo de cisse has A BLOG!!! here's it:
edward's blog...

well... that's that... 1 more thing to add in the next version of my blog... (n_n)

i've been doing up some stuff here and there... trying to learn php... sheesh... slacking... working out... haha. didn't expect that did u all??? my music selector's almost ready... so u don't have to listen to the same songs over and over... sorry most of it's midi... so u don't hafta wait long for it to load...

other stuff's going pretty well...

"I'm not gonna live forever..." so i hope to do watever i have to do well, 'cause i have but 1 life and i'm not going to ask what this world can do for me in this time, but i'm gonna ask myself what i can do to improve this world and make it a better place for all... peace, love, harmony, joy abound... wow. then i can die inpeace, literally... (n_n)

i have to thank 3 pple for opening my eyes to the beauty of life....

1) gabriel- thanks for sending me tat email... so touching... (-_-`) [crying]

2) edward- ur blog's title inspired me... thanks!

3) sji library (beurel)- "I am David" really moved me to... almost tears...
oh well... chinese saying-modified by me: men should shed blood (liu xue), sweat (liu han), but never tears (bu liu lei)...

so thanks... i wanna tell the world out there- love one another!!!

to all my friends, 6ab and sji:
thanks for being my friends, sharing your life with me; your tears and joy; stuff and especially lame jokes... [i appreciate them] i wanna tell u all "i love u" [without sounding despo or gay]!!! thanks! sorry for all the bad stuff i'd said or done to u all... sorry!!! if u forgive me [ or i never hurt u in any way before] please tag to accept my apologies...

again, thanks!! spread the love and joy with me... make the world a better place!!!!

- Jay [another long post??]

p.s. i created another blog- its http://peace-on-earth.blogspot.com

[ It's My Life ]

2004-11-27T16:04:00.000-08:00

Bon Jovi - It's My Life

This ain't a song for the broken hearted
No silent prayer for the faith departed
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

It's my life
And it's now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive

It's my life
And it's now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life

[this song rawkks... try singing it with the midi...]

- Jay [It's My Life]

Ok... Ok...

2004-11-25T14:50:00.000-08:00

haiz... been slacking.... still working on the different blogskins for class blog, frenz etc... i also have to do the css for npcc site... sheesh... dunno what color scheme to use... [note i used 'color'- program too much with css become liddat... see lah...]

quite busy lately... got influenced by sesame street... i've become 'cookie monster'... geddit? hmmn... didn't think so... javascript--cookies... geddit? cookies are fun... i'm also working on my music selector... so cool... and i finally got my website structure up... but won't tell u all yet... still under construction... =p

anyway, i'm mainly blogging for fun... northland grad nite was fun...

felt that as SJI prefect, should help NPS prefects... girls went to change, xt and i stayed in prefects' lounge and cleaned up... thought girls in prefectorial board (almost all girls) were neat... didn't turn out so... =p xt was playing around... he mess up more than clean... see i so 'wei da'... lol.

grad nite- i just continued to help with deco and pick up rubbish... [incidentally, tat's wat i do best both in nps and sji... maybe its because of my cip that made me prefect there... (n_n)]

but a bit weird... maybe last year my speech too crappy... so board o governors or wadever never come... oops. (n_n) overall it was ok...

but that halim... waste food... chicken wings... and jun zhu's drink... [ever since i became prefect i seem to stand up for other prefects more... hmm..] then xt's cake stand no one patronise... haha.

in the end, i helped clean up the food... ta-pau a lot... 1 pkt give teacher, 1 give mrs jayalath... still got 3!!! so i bring home lah...

i also helped close the hall doors when everyone was leaving... so tired by the time i got home...

kk. this has to be the longest i ever wrote. but i wanna thank everyone who made that day possible and especially enjoyable.

thanks everyone! [friends, teachers, food, wadever]

- Jay [ couldn't go SJI Opn Hse 2 'cause too rushed...]

Edited Blog

2004-11-22T13:28:00.000-08:00

Hi guys... I said I'll be changing the template, right? Well, I couldn't bring myself to change it, after being with me so long... However, I did modify my code...

But then, I figured some things in my code is too darn messy... Sometimes even I have trouble navigating around my code... If I ever add PHP functionality, it'll be even messier...

So... I decided to reference my JavaScript code... Just hope the Geocities server I'm using doesn't go down too often... Haha... Even my sis is using my server space... Sheesh... But I can't do the same for my CSS code... If there's server downtime, everything will look messed up... So, beter not... (n_n)

I'm still working on the links switcher thingy... I think it's because the DOM Level 2 isn't fully supported yet...

So happy my blog can still function without the fancy JavaScript... See you!

- Jay, revamping blog

Blog Layout

2004-11-13T19:26:00.000-08:00

ok ok... this blog template is getting old... but u see, i've grown to like this blogskin... and if i create a new one, it would probably be darker and more... EVIL.... sheesh... shouldn't have learned css... but its useful lah... good for website creations and blogs...

i'm still having trouble with the links part... maybe i should heed the Keep It Simple, Stupid advice... haiz... can't figure out if the prob is with javascript or css positioning...

and jonathan... thanks for returning my book... i think the ending is too abrupt too... i'm gonna buy the Bourne Supremacy VCD once its out... so cool... and i'm gonna watch Bourne Ultimatium too... Bourne rawkks!!!

kk cya guys...

- Jay, feeling rather neutral

ps: vote olinda for s'pore idol!!! sylvester rawkks too... but his 'an jing' sucks...

My Life Sucks

2004-11-09T16:10:00.000-08:00

wad have i ever posted on this freaking blog about my life? nothing.

why? do i have a life? do i have true friends? am i social? am i human? do i exist? am i alive? can i think? who am i? what am i? when did i come about? how was i born? do i have a destiny? am i stuck in a time warp?

all these questions... haiz... DO I UNDERSTAND MYSELF???!!!?!?!

why do i keep on updating my blog pointlessly? image? fame? glory? money? girlfriends? WHY??? Someone TELL ME WHY?!?!

[sounds like that lame VCD series Tell Me Why... lol]

i guess i'm a bit depressed... who isn't? look at alice... look at yuling... who isn't...

TELL ME!!!!

- Jay, wondering "WHY?"

Arrgh...

2004-11-03T01:20:00.000-08:00

aw crapz... i spent the whole day & night doing this crap... notice some changes in my blog skin? its still in progress, so it ain't that beautiful yet... sheesh... my freakin geocities server won't load the black picture... crap... until i can find a solution to e messed up links layers, hopefully by tomorrow, u'll have to put up with e black pic... sorry for inconveniences...

and if anyone copies my 'in progress' code, i'll personally kill u... (n_n) lol... i'm such a sadist... but definitely not masochist... haha...

its really gettin' late... so i gtg liao... [i sound like e 'si han' (letter) ending... so lame...]

cya dudez!

- Jay the geek

ps: note- geek =/= (not equals) nerd [check dictionary]